A weekly dose of fandom + life: books I’m devouring, fics I’m flinging into the void, tournaments I’m staying up too late for, and whatever else my brain is hyperfixating on.

I finally finished False Value this weekend (!!) and immediately buried myself under another stack of books, because apparently my brain only wants cosy-but-magic right now. Currently juggling Ministry of Time, What Abigail Did That Summer, Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches, and The Lamplighter’s Bookshop. Secret societies and spellwork everywhere, and honestly? Not mad about it.

My soundtrack has been equally dramatic. Top track of the week? John Williams’ Theme from Superman. Peak soaring instrumental, familiar enough to wrap around you but never demanding too much attention - perfect when I’m restless but trying to focus.

(Also: NEW TAYLOR SWIFT ALBUM SOON. Brain not ready, heart even less ready.)

Meanwhile in tennis land… Cincinnati was ridiculous in the best way. Players have been dying from the heat (like 90 degrees and 60% humidity). We've had a power outage because a generator blew up from the heat. We've had matches with an almost 3-hour rain delay. We've had malfunctioning LED boards and fire alarms going off in the middle of matches.

AND WE'RE GETTING ANOTHER SINCARAZ FINAL TONIGHT

Add in the Sumter (Mattia Bellucci won! His first title in over a year!), Cancun and Todi Challengers running across wild time zones, plus Winston-Salem and Cleveland, and USO qualies kicking off this week... I've been putting my insomnia to good use - if I can't sleep, I might as well enjoy the bopbopsqueak

Oh, and we've added a new player to the harem. His name's Terence Atmane, he's French, but we won't hold it against him. He's a lefty, he's a huge server, and he's a complete fucking nerd who has an IQ of 158 and one of the largest Pokemon card collections in France. He also gave Jannik a Pikachu card for his birthday

Writing-wise, I don’t know what got into me - except maybe I do. Fic's been my safe place while my brain’s been doing the insomnia/anxiety/ADHD/depression shuffle, and suddenly three stories fell out in one week. moments we stole on begged and borrowed time (Darren loans Jannik to Juan Carlos for the night with the immortal condition “fucked out but soft”), They strike to kill and you know I will (so maybe “Killer” wasn’t just a funny nickname after all), and part 4 of the dark magic Darren AU Surface Tension, Ashes & Dust (Roland-Garros never forgets what you feed it, and Darren Cahill knows that a little too well). Honestly? Three completely different vibes, but they’ve all been keeping me tethered.

Outside of fic and tennis brain, I’ve been oscillating wildly between ( Darren with a puppy )

(good, adorable, serotonin)” and “the endless insomnia/anxiety/ADHD/depression cycle (bad, no serotonin).” This week’s plans include calling the doctor, fixing my clothing storage situation, and hopefully working up to actually leaving the house. Agoraphobia continues to be the worst doubles partner.

Feeling-wise, it’s a mix of chaos and glee and exhaustion. Sometimes everything feels like Too Much, and then fic or tennis or a kind comment reminds me there are still bright little things to hold onto.

That’s it for this week’s chaos - tune in next Monday for more books, fic, tennis, and brain gremlins.

This week has been… a lot

I ended up being off work sick all week, and by Thursday I knew I wouldn’t be in a fit state to go back on Monday. So I made a doctor’s appointment. Cried at her, because… well, there’s been a lot lately. Health stuff, work stuff, and the way the airport sale was handled was just the final straw. Like I told her - I’m exhausted, and I just need a fucking break.

She agreed, and signed me off for all of next week too. I’m hoping that having permission to be off will help take the edge off the guilt. Fingers crossed.

I also started a new med on Tuesday, which has left me bloated and given me super fun indigestion. Sigh.

So I’ve spent most of the week on the couch, under a pile of blankies, where it’s safe. I’ve read a lot, written a lot, and watched a lot of tennis. I slept almost 13 hours last night. I still feel fuzzy around the edges, but it feels like it might have helped.

Main goal for next week: keep doing the same. Resting, reading, writing, watching TV. But I’d also like to leave the house a couple of times - even if it’s just to walk down to the library.

Writing goals: finish editing Darren renting Jannik out to Juanki; write the one where Darren is a killer (his player nickname was Killer, and people still call him that - even his wife); write chapter 1 of the Supernatural AU so it’s ready for USO (because that’s where it’s set).

( cut for talk of weight loss )