McSweeney’s ([syndicated profile] mcsweeneys_feed) wrote2026-05-05 09:10 am

An Excerpt from Elizabeth Preston’s The Creatures’ Guide to Caring

Posted by Elizabeth Preston

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With warmth, humor, and occasional run-ins with bodily fluids, science journalist (and frequent McSweeney’s contributor) Elizabeth Preston leads a highly accessible tour of cutting-edge research into how and why other animals and humans care for their young. She discovers that we evolved to raise our kids in cooperative groups, and that the tools we’ve inherited for caretaking aren’t only for moms or dads—they’re the basis for our human society.

Today, we’re happy to share an excerpt from The Creatures’ Guide to Caring: How Animal Parents Teach Us That Humans Were Born to Care. It is available to purchase at the fine bookseller of your choice.

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How a toothed snack cake can teach us about taking care of each other.

“Hola, chicas!” Miguel Brieno-Enriquez calls. In response, there’s a sound of frenzied scrabbling. We push through a door to meet a room full of naked mole rats.

In their native East Africa, these rodents live in underground colonies, with chambers connected by a network of tunnels that the animals dig with their teeth. At the University of Pittsburgh, Brieno-Enriquez houses his six hundred or so animals in clear tanks connected by tubes.

Naked mole rats are equally comfortable traversing their tubes forward or backward, like animate subway cars. In the lab or in the wild, their colonies are among the most cooperative mammal groups on Earth, which is why I’ve come to see them today.

What is a naked mole rat, exactly? Before I left on this trip, my seven-year-old described them to her grandmother with confidence. “They look like this!” she said, lifting up her shirt. “And you try really hard not to stare at them.” It’s possible she was just defining the “naked” part.

On the contrary, I’m staring closely at the ugliest mammals I’ve ever seen.

Two pairs of long, yellow teeth curve over the fronts of their faces. Except for a delicate set of whiskers, the rodents are bald. (“Naked mole-rats have often been described as hairless,” wrote the authors of a paper addressing naked mole rat misconceptions, “but their hair is simply very sparse.” Well, OK.)

The animals all seem to be wearing the wrong size of skin. It’s wrinkled everywhere, and bunches up when they move. They have blunt snouts and eyes like pinholes. They don’t see well and, in nature, they live in the dark—which is probably for the best. When I look at them I try, and fail, to stop thinking of a scrotum.

Still, they’re not quite as repulsive as I expected from pictures, if only because they’re smaller. Brieno-Enriquez says a former professor of his compared naked mole rats to Twinkies: same size, similar color, and no expiration date.

That’s because the shelf life of a naked mole rat is shockingly long for a rodent. Some live more than thirty years; one reportedly made it to forty. A standard Norway rat, even if you take it off the street and protect it in a cage, doesn’t live more than three. And unlike an elderly human or any normal mammal, a naked mole rat’s likelihood of dying doesn’t increase with each year of age.

The animals only rarely get cancer. In his own research, Brieno-Enriquez is studying the quirks in female naked mole rats’ ovaries that let some of them produce babies for decades without slowing down.

The most famous detail about naked mole rats, though—and the reason I’ve sought out these unfortunate-looking skin sacks—is that they and their close relatives are the world’s only eusocial mammals. Eusociality is the way of life you see in ants and honeybees, for example: extremely cooperative colonies in which most individuals can’t reproduce.

Or, depending which scientists you ask, maybe naked mole rats aren’t technically eusocial. Definitions aside, these animals have meandered down an evolutionary path that no other mammals have taken.

Naked mole rat colonies are led by queens. Brieno-Enriquez names each queen in his lab after a famous female character: Aphrodite, Venus, Padme Amidala.

Xochiquetzal, named for an Aztec fertility goddess, is easy to pick out from the rest of her colony. Her body is extra long and pear-shaped. Where the other rats are wrinkled, her skin is taut, stretched over sides bulging with pregnancy.

An average naked mole rat litter is around a dozen. Xochi, though, is an overachiever. Her last litter was twenty-one pups. When I call Brieno-Enriquez two months later, he’ll tell me (“Good news!”) that this batch was twenty-five.

Xochi will nurse every one of those babies herself. The tiny pink creatures look like miniature adults—or, really, the naked adults are just giant babies.

When the pups grow up in the wild, most of them will stay in the same burrows, an expanding family of brothers and sisters. As in a beehive, normally no one reproduces except for the queen, and one or a few lucky males.

The workers, who are brothers and sisters, dig tunnels and collect food. In the wild, this means roots and tubers that grow down into the soil. In the lab, it’s sweet potatoes supplemented with other treats such as celery and raisins. The largest non-royal animals tend to be the most aggressive toward outsiders, and researchers call them soldiers.

In addition to defending, digging, and foraging, workers act as babysitters. Although the queen does the most parenting, her workers help to groom the queen’s newest babies, huddle with them to keep them warm, and feed the babies their own feces on demand. The workers, in turn, eat each other’s feces. And the queen’s.

“That is kind of gross,” Brieno-Enriquez admits. “But at the same time it’s weird, because they’re really clean.” The animals are so fastidious that they maintain a separate chamber of their burrow just for going to the bathroom. When it fills up, they plug it and dig a new one.

In the lab, the animals still feel an urge to dig, some of them biting and scratching at their plastic tanks. Brieno-Enriquez tells me they’re also agitated because they hate hearing him speak English. “Chicas! Tranquilas, por favor!” he chides. (Although his naked mole rats are both female and male, he refers to them all as his “girls.”)

They’re also highly sensitive to smell. So we both change our gloves before he lets me hold one, because getting a whiff of a different colony on our hands would freak out a naked mole rat.

With the rat in my palm, I gently grip the base of her tail so she doesn’t run off, like Brieño-Enriquez shows me. He points out that the animal is a little bit cool to the touch. That’s because naked mole rats stay warm by huddling, instead of making all of their own body heat.

The animal is soft and wriggly, squeaking faintly in her colony-specific dialect. When I replace her, saying that I don’t want to make her nervous, Brieno-Enriquez tells me I would have known if I’d scared her, because she would have sprayed me with diarrhea.

Their usually calm demeanor is part of why the researchers who study the world’s ugliest, sparsest-haired mammals love them so much. “They’re chill. They’re sweet,” Brieno-Enriquez says. He also says the animals have helped him understand how a human mother feels: Even though his babies are hideous, he loves them.

They love each other, too. In one room, before the animals smell us, we find a great heap of rats resting together in one tank. They’re layered cozily, like a disorganized lasagna. Brieno-Enriquez says he sometimes wedges a sweet potato into one of the transparent pipes so he can watch the animals attack the problem as a group. They work together to gnaw it free and carry it to another chamber to eat.

Xochi, too, is liable to get wedged when she’s carrying a couple of dozen pups inside her body. “Sometimes she can be a little bit, mm—let’s say, kind of tight in the pipes,” Brieno-Enriquez says delicately.

Her workers team up to push her free, as industriously as if their queen were another yam.

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From THE CREATURES’ GUIDE TO CARING by Elizabeth Preston, published by Viking, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. Copyright 2026 by Elizabeth Preston.

McSweeney’s ([syndicated profile] mcsweeneys_feed) wrote2026-05-05 08:00 am

A Kindergarten Teacher Attempts to Explain Cryptocurrency, and Accidentally Creates a New Financial

Posted by Russell Smith

At 9:03 a.m., Ms. Delgado makes the mistake of asking the class what their parents do for work.

“Dentist,” says Maya.

“Firefighter,” says Liam.

“Bus driver,” says Emma.

Oliver raises his hand. “My dad mines crypto.”

Ms. Delgado nods politely, the way adults do when they encounter a sentence they hope will not require follow-up questions.

Unfortunately, Sophie raises her hand. “What’s crypto?”

Ms. Delgado considers saying she doesn’t know. Instead, she says, “Imagine everyone has stickers.”

The class brightens immediately. Stickers are a language they understand.

“Everyone gets ten stickers,” Ms. Delgado says, drawing circles on the whiteboard. “You can trade them with each other.”

Oliver nods approvingly. “Yes,” he says. “That’s like crypto.”

“Great,” says Ms. Delgado. “So if Liam wants one of Maya’s stickers, he gives her something for it.”

Liam raises his hand. “What if Maya says she never gave me the sticker?”

Ms. Delgado pauses. “Well,” she says carefully, “we write the trade down so everyone knows it happened.” She writes STICKER LIST on the board.

Oliver raises his hand. “That’s the blockchain.” Ms. Delgado writes BLOCKCHAIN underneath. “Exactly,” she says, hoping confidence will make the sentence true.

Emma raises her hand. “Where are the stickers?”

Ms. Delgado hesitates. “The stickers are… invisible.”

The class waits for the rest of the explanation.

There is no rest of the explanation.

“So we’re trading stickers we can’t see,” Sophie says.

“Yes.”

“And we know we have them because of the list.”

“Yes.”

“And nobody is in charge of the list.”

“That’s correct.”

Liam raises his hand. “What if someone takes the stickers?”

“They can’t,” Ms. Delgado says quickly. “Because computers protect the list.”

Oliver nods again. “That’s mining.”

Ms. Delgado draws a small computer on the board. “Yes,” she says. “Computers work to keep the list safe.”

Emma squints at the drawing. “So the computers make the stickers.”

“Sort of.”

“Why?”

Ms. Delgado pauses. “To reward the computers for helping.”

The class considers this.

Liam raises his hand. “So the computers get paid in invisible stickers.”

“Yes.”

“Do the computers buy things with them?”

“No.”

“Then why do they want them?”

Ms. Delgado opens her mouth. Then closes it.

Oliver raises his hand. “Sometimes the stickers become worth a lot of money.”

Ms. Delgado nods eagerly. “Yes. Exactly.”

“Why?” asks Sophie.

“Well,” Ms. Delgado says slowly, “because people believe the stickers are valuable.”

Emma raises her hand. “So if everyone believes in the stickers, they’re valuable.”

“Yes.”

“And if people stop believing?”

Ms. Delgado pauses. “Then they might not be.”

Oliver raises his hand again. “My dad bought a sticker once.”

The class gasps.

“What kind?” asks Liam.

Oliver shrugs. “A monkey.”

Emma raises her hand. “Are the monkeys invisible too?”

“Yes.”

“Can I draw one?”

“No.”

Liam raises his hand again. “My uncle lost most of his stickers during market volatility.”

Ms. Delgado nods solemnly. “That can happen.”

“When?” asks Sophie.

“Mostly during nap time,” Oliver says.

Ms. Delgado pauses. She begins to suspect she has accidentally created a speculative financial system.

Sophie raises her hand again. “Can we make our own stickers?”

Ms. Delgado considers this. “Well,” she says cautiously, “some people do create new kinds of stickers.”

The classroom grows louder.

“I’m making dinosaur stickers,” says Liam.

“I’m making snack-backed stickers,” says Sophie.

“I’m making unicorn stickers,” says Emma. “But only ten of them.”

Oliver stands on his chair. “I’m launching StickerCoin.”

Within seconds, the children are trading invisible stickers across the carpet.

“I’ll give you three dinosaur stickers for one unicorn sticker!”

“Snack stickers are going up!”

“I’m holding mine!”

Liam raises his hand. “Can I buy stickers that represent other stickers?”

Oliver thinks about this. “Yes.”

The classroom erupts again.

Sophie announces she is starting a recess hedge fund and will manage everyone’s stickers for a small fee.

Oliver raises his hand for silence. “The sticker exchange has temporarily paused trading,” he announces. “We’re experiencing some liquidity issues.”

Liam approaches Ms. Delgado’s desk. “I lost half my stickers,” he says quietly.

Ms. Delgado places a comforting hand on his shoulder. “That happens sometimes.”

Sophie raises her hand one final time. “So the stickers aren’t real,” she says.

“No.”

“The list is real.”

“Yes.”

Sophie thinks about this. “And everyone is hoping someone else will want the sticker more than they do.”

Ms. Delgado looks at the whiteboard. The invisible stickers. The computers. The belief. She exhales. “Yes,” she says quietly. “That’s the plan.”

Oliver raises his hand. “Can we invest the class snack budget?”

Dan Savage ([syndicated profile] savagelove_feed) wrote2026-05-05 11:00 am

Quickies

Posted by Patrick Kearney

1. My spouse and I haven’t had sex for almost two years. No kids, jobs aren’t stressful, and we still enjoy each other’s company. (At least I enjoy theirs.) The subject of sex never comes up. I don’t miss it, honestly, and I suspect they don’t either. But I don’t know. It’s possible your spouse … Read More »

The post Quickies appeared first on Dan Savage.

Dan Savage ([syndicated profile] savagelove_feed) wrote2026-05-05 11:00 am

Birthday Orgy

Posted by Nancy Hartunian

A trans woman enjoys chastity play. But most cock cages use the testicles to keep the device in place. She had an orchiectomy for her gender affirming care, so what is she to do? On the Magnum, a gay man has a pattern of losing attraction to the people he’s seeing. The instant they break … Read More »

The post Birthday Orgy appeared first on Dan Savage.

McSweeney’s ([syndicated profile] mcsweeneys_feed) wrote2026-05-04 08:00 am

“They Would Never Use the Death Star on Us”: Alderaan Residents Reflect on Their Support for the Emp

Posted by Jack Loftus

“We spoke with voters who cast their ballots for Mr. Trump and said they were disappointed with his second term. A few said they even regretted their votes.”
New York Times

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MODERATOR: In one or two words, finish this sentence: “I’m feeling ‘blank’ about the Empire these days, now that the galactic superweapon I willingly supported hovers overhead.”

TALLIS, 44: Concerned.
MIRA, 29: Confused yet hopeful.
BRENN: Annoyed.
KELAN, 38: Surprised.
OOLA, 61: Worried.
DARO, 24: Betrayed.
LYSA, 47: Frustrated.
JOREN, 63: Apathetic.
CEN, 35: Discouraged.
PAVA, 19: Anxious.
RINN, 56: Disappointed.
HASK, 41: Steady.

MODERATOR: Mira, you said, “confused yet hopeful.” Tell me more.

MIRA: I think a lot has happened very quickly. There were promises about stability, about restoring order to the galaxy. At the same time, when I look up… it raises questions. Still, I feel like there must be a plan. They wouldn’t position something like that over a loyal world without a reason that benefits us.

MODERATOR: Kelan, you said, “surprised.”

KELAN: I voted for strength. The Emperor projects strength. That’s important. But I didn’t think strength meant a planet-killing battle station this close to my planet. I assumed deployments like this were for Outer Rim situations. You know, for lesser things, like Jawas.

MODERATOR: Daro, you said “betrayed.”

DARO: We were told this was about keeping the galaxy safe from extremists who don’t share our values. Alderaan isn’t that. We’re peaceful. We comply. But seeing that thing’s massive dish warming up like that, it certainly doesn’t feel like protection. It feels like something else.

MODERATOR: Have you felt this way for a while?

DARO: Not until it blotted out the Sun. Before that, it was easy to trust the Empire.

MODERATOR: Oola, you mentioned you’re worried.

OOLA: I supported the Emperor because I thought he’d learned from the Clone Wars. I thought this time would be different. But now there’s this constant vibration I can feel deep in my bones. My grandson says it’s “charging.” I don’t know exactly what that means, but it doesn’t sound like an agriculture policy.

MODERATOR: Tell me why you supported the Empire in the first place.

BRENN: Lesser of two evils. The Senate was ineffective, and the liberal Jedi were out of touch. The Emperor said he’d cut through all that. And he did—sometimes literally. You have to give him that. Things moved. Maybe a little too much moving right now, with the Death Star repositioning every few minutes to maintain a firing solution on our planet, but still.

MODERATOR: Are there things the Empire has done well?

HASK: Disintegrations. And I like that they’re decisive. You look at that battle station, and you think, Wow, that’s decisive engineering. People make jokes about the cost of it, but I see efficiency. They should make two.

MODERATOR: Some of you mentioned concerns. Any regrets?

HASK: None. The Emperor is a smart man. He’s playing a long game. People see a glowing aperture pointed at our planet capable of snuffing out all life as we know it, and they panic. But that’s emotional. Irrational. Grand Moff Tarkin is probably up there doing calibrations we just don’t understand.

TALLIS: I regret it. My sister said this is exactly how it would go. I told her she was overreacting. Now she’s on Yavin 4 with the Rebellion, and I’m outside watching an ominous green light fill the whole sky, and I feel foolish.

JOREN: I don’t know that regret changes anything. It’s there now. It’s not like we can vote it away at this point.

MODERATOR: Are there Imperial policies that have affected you personally?

LYSA: Blue drink sales are way down. People aren’t dining out when the sky looks like that.

MODERATOR: Who do you feel the Empire is most focused on?

RINN: Not us. I always thought we were part of the “us.” Now I’m not sure. I feel like a Bothan spy, to be honest.

MODERATOR: Do you think the Empire understands what life is like on Alderaan right now?

TALLIS: I don’t think they understand the fear. Every surface is glowing green.

HASK: Or illuminated. That’s another way to put it.

MODERATOR: Sorry, “illuminated”? Hask, you disagree.

HASK: People assume the green light and orbiting space station are ominous because they’re unfamiliar. But large-scale governance can look intimidating up close.

MODERATOR: Do you think Alderaan is being treated fairly?

CEN: No. We’re being made an example of.

BRENN: Maybe, but examples are how order works. I’m not saying I like the thought of Alderaan becoming a loose collection of asteroids floating in space. I’m saying I understand the political theory.

CEN: The political theory is currently pointed at my son’s school.

MODERATOR: Has anything changed your mind in the last few minutes?

RINN: The Death Star’s green beam separating into smaller beams and then joining into one larger beam has been clarifying.

HASK: I’d still caution against reading too much into military optics.

MODERATOR: Optics?

HASK: If you build a planet-killer, people are going to assume the worst every time you park it near a planet. That’s just a messaging problem.

MODERATOR: And if it fires?

HASK: Then obviously we’ll need to revisit the messaging.

EDITOR’S NOTE: At this point in the discussion, the laser beam from the Death Star intensified, grew closer, and permanently blinded everyone.

MIRA: I still think there’s a plan.

DARO: I don’t think the plan includes us.

HASK: I think people are overreacting. The Empire wouldn’t target its own loyal citizens. That would make no sense.

rydra_wong: Lee Miller photo showing two women wearing metal fire masks in England during WWII. (Default)
rydra_wong ([personal profile] rydra_wong) wrote2026-05-04 11:12 am
Entry tags:

Look. LOOK.

People need to read Cameron Reed's What We Are Seeking because I need to have a discussion group, okay? Also it's extremely good.

I've just started listening to the Wizards vs. Lesbians ep on it, and am very pleased that they independently ping on Le Guin and Delany as reference points, and also accurately summarize its timeslip quality by saying it's "from the '70s if the '70s were 2026."

Also they clearly love John Maraintha, which is very important.

I tried to describe the book to [personal profile] vass by saying that it's like picking up a beautiful object -- I'm visualizing some sort of carved stone sculpture or ceramic item -- and finding out that its centre of gravity is wildly different (both in weight and location) from what your hands instinctively anticipated from its appearance.

And it's not a bait-and-switch! The book's initial premise is that it's about a human colony on an alien planet discovering a potentially-sapient species and urgently needing to find out if they are sapient, establish communication (if possible), and manage this First Contact correctly because there are dire consequences if they fuck it up (yes, a retro classic*).

And the book is in fact very much about that, and it drives many of the events that ensue. It is not at any point not about that, and its themes of communication, colonialism, and adaptation to an alien world are, well ... everything the book is about.

It has some casually-spectacular world-building, and a sequence involving a dangerous journey and struggle for survival in an alien landscape which stands up next to any in the canon (including an action sequence which genuinely made me make a noise of startlement and alarm OUT LOUD while reading).

And nonetheless, the scene which I would consider the emotional climax of the book, its great pivot point, is -- well, I refuse to describe it because of spoilers, but it's fair to say that it's not anything you'd ever expect from the above descriptions. It's so bold, in the quietest way.

{*I enjoy the book immediately explaining that alien life on this planet has a weird reproductive cycle, because OBVIOUSLY IT HAS A WEIRD REPRODUCTIVE CYCLE, we've read sf before; that is not being saved to be the Big Reveal.}

ETA: Free sample! Read the first two chapters here!

https://civilianreader.com/2026/03/17/excerpt-what-we-are-seeking-by-cameron-reed-tor-books/
full_metal_ox: GIF of Wei Wuxian playing his flute against the full moon, orbited by crows. (Yiling Laozu)
full_metal_ox ([personal profile] full_metal_ox) wrote in [community profile] common_nature2026-05-02 03:10 pm

May Day Full Flower Moon.

Taken at 22:25 Eastern US Daylight Time over the parking lot joining Winn-Dixie and a local hotel, the latter outlined by its lights.

Once again, the photo doesn’t reflect what my corrective-lensed eyes actually saw—a serenely luminous disc the pale yellow of Muenster cheese—but the image is stark and dramatic. The lens flare on my cheap-ass burner phone made it resemble a black star sapphire (or, to read the image as suitably floral and local, a spider lily):



(I wasn’t the only one prowling this clear moonlit tropical night in search of food; two of the Burrowing Owls at my apartment complex were out hunting on the side lawn, as a third stood perched at the nest; this represents a full year of continuous occupancy and breeding, reflecting how safe they must feel here. They squawked at my approach, but did not hiss.)