Heh! Funny, and nice tonal indicator that this is going to be comedy rather than tragedy.
"Daniel."
Love how this is practically Jack's only word from here on out: touching that it's his one true word after all the others dry up, and humorous at the same time - we can just hear all the dozens of varying intonations he gives the single word. Means a different thing each time. *g*
Jack managed to get his feet moving, and caught up to Daniel at the front door. "Daniel. Please."
Nice remedy to the original canon scene. Like the way you keep the parallel going with just a few, significant changes in blocking.
Jesus. "Daniel. Daniel." Jack's arms reached out. "Daniel." He pulled Daniel to him and crushed their lips together. He felt Daniel gasp. He buried his face into Daniel's neck. "Daniel." He clung desperately. "Daniel, Daniel," he whispered.
*sigh*
Jack nodded his head where it lay on Daniel’s shoulder and felt his face flame.
Lovely touch; my favorite line in the piece. Love the way Jack's sudden revelation of himself, his dropping away of his tough outer walls, has exposed for just a moment this undefended naif, blushing, speechless. Whew.
"Still, it’s only three." Tender, breathless laughter.
Jack nodded his head again and relaxed enough to smile.
"We’ll work on it."
Love the way the gentle humor here works as falling action, bringing us out of the intense moment. Keeps the delicious romance without cloying.
no subject
"You gonna let me in?"
"Sure." Jack stepped aside and Daniel came in and headed for the living room. Jack closed the door, leaned against it for a second, and then followed.
I like the way you start with an echo of the canon scene.
"I’ve decided that you and I need to be completely honest with each other."
Oh, yeah. Perfect turning point. Completely believable.
"Honesty."
Jack’s left eyelid twitched.
Heh! Funny, and nice tonal indicator that this is going to be comedy rather than tragedy.
"Daniel."
Love how this is practically Jack's only word from here on out: touching that it's his one true word after all the others dry up, and humorous at the same time - we can just hear all the dozens of varying intonations he gives the single word. Means a different thing each time. *g*
Jack managed to get his feet moving, and caught up to Daniel at the front door. "Daniel. Please."
Nice remedy to the original canon scene. Like the way you keep the parallel going with just a few, significant changes in blocking.
Jesus. "Daniel. Daniel." Jack's arms reached out. "Daniel." He pulled Daniel to him and crushed their lips together. He felt Daniel gasp. He buried his face into Daniel's neck. "Daniel." He clung desperately. "Daniel, Daniel," he whispered.
*sigh*
Jack nodded his head where it lay on Daniel’s shoulder and felt his face flame.
Lovely touch; my favorite line in the piece. Love the way Jack's sudden revelation of himself, his dropping away of his tough outer walls, has exposed for just a moment this undefended naif, blushing, speechless. Whew.
"Still, it’s only three." Tender, breathless laughter.
Jack nodded his head again and relaxed enough to smile.
"We’ll work on it."
Love the way the gentle humor here works as falling action, bringing us out of the intense moment. Keeps the delicious romance without cloying.
Thank you so much for this!