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Entry tags:
Cleaning up
Remember Dreamverse? And Bjorn? I've never posted that story other than as chapters, but I have a file now that's almost ready to be posted.
But I've found a couple of errors I want to clean up:
At one point I used 'beg the question' incorrectly:
Jack’s heart clenched. He leaned back in his chair. “Is this conversation over yet?”
“Daniel… but you did not want to talk about Daniel.”
“Please,” Jack said through tight lips.
“I thought you should know these things.”
And didn’t that just beg the question of what Daniel had told Bjorn.
I want to replace the incorrect usage, but I still want to keep the bitter flavor of the original sentence. Somehow, 'didn't that just raise the question...' doesn't seem to work. Does anyone have a suggestion to re-work that sentence and still hang onto Jack's anger?
In a later section, I have Teal'c announcing his need to kel'no'reem. BUT, this is after Daniel descends, so Teal'c is on tretonin and doesn't need to kel'no'reem anymore. Does anyone recall canon references to kel'no'reem post-Season Six? Maybe he desires to kel'no'reem? It's really just an excuse to get Sam and Teal'c out of Jack's house, because PLOT...so he could just decide it's bedtime, it's getting late, he's tired, whatever. Thoughts?
But I've found a couple of errors I want to clean up:
At one point I used 'beg the question' incorrectly:
Jack’s heart clenched. He leaned back in his chair. “Is this conversation over yet?”
“Daniel… but you did not want to talk about Daniel.”
“Please,” Jack said through tight lips.
“I thought you should know these things.”
And didn’t that just beg the question of what Daniel had told Bjorn.
I want to replace the incorrect usage, but I still want to keep the bitter flavor of the original sentence. Somehow, 'didn't that just raise the question...' doesn't seem to work. Does anyone have a suggestion to re-work that sentence and still hang onto Jack's anger?
In a later section, I have Teal'c announcing his need to kel'no'reem. BUT, this is after Daniel descends, so Teal'c is on tretonin and doesn't need to kel'no'reem anymore. Does anyone recall canon references to kel'no'reem post-Season Six? Maybe he desires to kel'no'reem? It's really just an excuse to get Sam and Teal'c out of Jack's house, because PLOT...so he could just decide it's bedtime, it's getting late, he's tired, whatever. Thoughts?
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But maybe : And doesn't that make you wonder what exactly Daniel had told Bjorn? Or; And, friends and neighbors, what exactly had Daniel told Bjorn?
I think Teal'c still did kel'no'reem as a mere meditation even when the symbiote was gone,though I don't have any canon reference at hand about that right now, sorry.
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'Beg the question' originally has a specific meaning as a logical fallacy: http://begthequestion.info/
It sounds good there because it's widely used that way these days. But grammar stickler Jack would probably know better, so I want to rephrase the sentence. Sticking in a 'friends and neighbors', or something along those lines, would definitely help keep the sarcastic, bitter edge I want to retain! Thank you for the suggestions! :-)
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