![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Cleaning up
Remember Dreamverse? And Bjorn? I've never posted that story other than as chapters, but I have a file now that's almost ready to be posted.
But I've found a couple of errors I want to clean up:
At one point I used 'beg the question' incorrectly:
Jack’s heart clenched. He leaned back in his chair. “Is this conversation over yet?”
“Daniel… but you did not want to talk about Daniel.”
“Please,” Jack said through tight lips.
“I thought you should know these things.”
And didn’t that just beg the question of what Daniel had told Bjorn.
I want to replace the incorrect usage, but I still want to keep the bitter flavor of the original sentence. Somehow, 'didn't that just raise the question...' doesn't seem to work. Does anyone have a suggestion to re-work that sentence and still hang onto Jack's anger?
In a later section, I have Teal'c announcing his need to kel'no'reem. BUT, this is after Daniel descends, so Teal'c is on tretonin and doesn't need to kel'no'reem anymore. Does anyone recall canon references to kel'no'reem post-Season Six? Maybe he desires to kel'no'reem? It's really just an excuse to get Sam and Teal'c out of Jack's house, because PLOT...so he could just decide it's bedtime, it's getting late, he's tired, whatever. Thoughts?
But I've found a couple of errors I want to clean up:
At one point I used 'beg the question' incorrectly:
Jack’s heart clenched. He leaned back in his chair. “Is this conversation over yet?”
“Daniel… but you did not want to talk about Daniel.”
“Please,” Jack said through tight lips.
“I thought you should know these things.”
And didn’t that just beg the question of what Daniel had told Bjorn.
I want to replace the incorrect usage, but I still want to keep the bitter flavor of the original sentence. Somehow, 'didn't that just raise the question...' doesn't seem to work. Does anyone have a suggestion to re-work that sentence and still hang onto Jack's anger?
In a later section, I have Teal'c announcing his need to kel'no'reem. BUT, this is after Daniel descends, so Teal'c is on tretonin and doesn't need to kel'no'reem anymore. Does anyone recall canon references to kel'no'reem post-Season Six? Maybe he desires to kel'no'reem? It's really just an excuse to get Sam and Teal'c out of Jack's house, because PLOT...so he could just decide it's bedtime, it's getting late, he's tired, whatever. Thoughts?
no subject
Teal'c says "I am unable to kel-no-reem as I once did since I began using tretonin" in 7.01 Fallen. He's sitting surrounded by candles and Daniel comes in. I don't know if he mentions anything like that before that episode. He loses the symbiote in Changeling (6.19), right?
no subject
Yes, in Changeling, or maybe the ep after. I obviously failed to take that into account when I was writing the story.
Flaunt doesn't sound quite right, but it does suggest some other avenues to me. Thanks again!
no subject
Maybe: Jack suddenly wasn't sure he wanted the question of what Daniel had told Bjorn answered.
Teal'c can be doing an early-morning training with the Marines and have to go.
no subject
Ooh, thank you for those suggestions! These questions have been pending since before I went to Calgary, I think, and my brain has remained silent. Silly brain!
no subject
and t definitely went through the motions of kel no reem even after he went on tretonin. this is canon. it must have been more like straight up meditataion.
hi!
no subject
(And after following a link or two at that site, I see "prompts the question" as a suggested alternative. That might work for me!)
no subject
http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/beg+the+question
no subject
I found "prompt the question" at another site I was looking at. I'm pondering that one...
no subject
no subject
But maybe : And doesn't that make you wonder what exactly Daniel had told Bjorn? Or; And, friends and neighbors, what exactly had Daniel told Bjorn?
I think Teal'c still did kel'no'reem as a mere meditation even when the symbiote was gone,though I don't have any canon reference at hand about that right now, sorry.
no subject
'Beg the question' originally has a specific meaning as a logical fallacy: http://begthequestion.info/
It sounds good there because it's widely used that way these days. But grammar stickler Jack would probably know better, so I want to rephrase the sentence. Sticking in a 'friends and neighbors', or something along those lines, would definitely help keep the sarcastic, bitter edge I want to retain! Thank you for the suggestions! :-)
no subject
no subject
no subject
Thank you!
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
TEAL'C
Kel'no'reem is unnecessary. Although it does make me feel—better. Colonel O'Neill has officially informed me that—I have my 'mojo' back.
no subject
no subject
no subject
So Jack is wondering, not for the first time, just what Daniel may have told Bjorn about what Jack feels for Daniel. Because Bjorn seems to be acting as though he knows Jack is also in love with Daniel.
(Wow, it's hard to write about an all-male triangle!)
no subject
“I thought you should know these things.”
And didn’t that just rip open the question of what Daniel had told Bjorn.
FWIW -- I was mentally playing around with the image of opening the question, and looking for harsh ways to describe it. I had tried 'raising' the question, but that led to innuendo that wasn/t at all what was wanted!
no subject
I'm getting lots of words and images to play with. Something's going to fall into place! Thank you! :-)