Cleaning up
Jun. 8th, 2013 04:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sidRemember Dreamverse? And Bjorn? I've never posted that story other than as chapters, but I have a file now that's almost ready to be posted.
But I've found a couple of errors I want to clean up:
At one point I used 'beg the question' incorrectly:
Jack’s heart clenched. He leaned back in his chair. “Is this conversation over yet?”
“Daniel… but you did not want to talk about Daniel.”
“Please,” Jack said through tight lips.
“I thought you should know these things.”
And didn’t that just beg the question of what Daniel had told Bjorn.
I want to replace the incorrect usage, but I still want to keep the bitter flavor of the original sentence. Somehow, 'didn't that just raise the question...' doesn't seem to work. Does anyone have a suggestion to re-work that sentence and still hang onto Jack's anger?
In a later section, I have Teal'c announcing his need to kel'no'reem. BUT, this is after Daniel descends, so Teal'c is on tretonin and doesn't need to kel'no'reem anymore. Does anyone recall canon references to kel'no'reem post-Season Six? Maybe he desires to kel'no'reem? It's really just an excuse to get Sam and Teal'c out of Jack's house, because PLOT...so he could just decide it's bedtime, it's getting late, he's tired, whatever. Thoughts?
But I've found a couple of errors I want to clean up:
At one point I used 'beg the question' incorrectly:
Jack’s heart clenched. He leaned back in his chair. “Is this conversation over yet?”
“Daniel… but you did not want to talk about Daniel.”
“Please,” Jack said through tight lips.
“I thought you should know these things.”
And didn’t that just beg the question of what Daniel had told Bjorn.
I want to replace the incorrect usage, but I still want to keep the bitter flavor of the original sentence. Somehow, 'didn't that just raise the question...' doesn't seem to work. Does anyone have a suggestion to re-work that sentence and still hang onto Jack's anger?
In a later section, I have Teal'c announcing his need to kel'no'reem. BUT, this is after Daniel descends, so Teal'c is on tretonin and doesn't need to kel'no'reem anymore. Does anyone recall canon references to kel'no'reem post-Season Six? Maybe he desires to kel'no'reem? It's really just an excuse to get Sam and Teal'c out of Jack's house, because PLOT...so he could just decide it's bedtime, it's getting late, he's tired, whatever. Thoughts?
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2013 11:14 pm (UTC)Teal'c says "I am unable to kel-no-reem as I once did since I began using tretonin" in 7.01 Fallen. He's sitting surrounded by candles and Daniel comes in. I don't know if he mentions anything like that before that episode. He loses the symbiote in Changeling (6.19), right?
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 9th, 2013 01:32 am (UTC)Yes, in Changeling, or maybe the ep after. I obviously failed to take that into account when I was writing the story.
Flaunt doesn't sound quite right, but it does suggest some other avenues to me. Thanks again!