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1. “So then he pops Daniel one….”
“Oh, he did not. He just gave me a little shove.”
“Whatever. So Daniel’s cringing on the ground….”
“Hey!”
“And Kawalsky’s about to start pounding on him… Daniel?”
“What?”
“No interruption?”
“No, I’m pretty sure he was about to start pounding on me.”
“So I get in between them….”
“My hero.”
“And begin using my superb skills as a leader of men… sorry, Carter: leader of men up to that point… to defuse the situation. But Kawalsky, see, he really wanted to pound Daniel, so he’s wanting to give me a hard time….”
“Oh, yes. I remember that. He called you ‘sir’. It made me cringe. Oh, wait.”
“Shut up, Daniel. It was more the tone of voice than what he was saying….”
“I thought Jack was going to pop him one.”
“Shut up, Daniel.”
2. “So there we are on the pistol range, and this bozo’s trying to aim and he’s shakin’ like a little girl… sorry, Carter… and he misses the target completely. And my first thought is, ‘Who is this idiot?’ And my second thought is, ‘Not on my team!’
“I know! It was Kawalsky, wasn’t it? Jack?”
“Yes, Daniel, it was Kawalsky. Way to ruin a perfectly good story. Thanks a lot.”
“It isn’t ruined, sir.”
“We desire you to continue, O’Neill. What transpired next?”
“He tripped over his own feet. He was hung-over. Excuse me, I have work to do.”
“Daniel.”
“I know, Sam. ‘Shut up’.”
3. “Right before he died, Teal’c, Colonel Michaels asked me to take care of his wife, Barbara.”
“The first time as well?”
“Yeah. Every time.”
“And were you able to do so?”
“Financially she was pretty well off. I didn’t have a lot of money, so that was a good thing. They didn’t have any kids, so Barbara sold their little house to pay off the mortgage. Her dad was in real estate, so he was able to expedite all of that for her. That left her with a little bit of money, together with John’s GI life insurance and final paychecks, and she just moved back in with her folks, so there were no worries money-wise.”
“By what means were you then able to assist her?”
“I wrote to her as soon as I could, of course. I couldn’t make it to the funeral, but she wrote me about it, and I answered that letter. Then as soon as I was back in the States I gave her a call at her folk’s place and made arrangements to go out to see her, spend a few hours. Kawalsky went with me.”
“She must have been pleased to see two of her husband’s comrades.”
“Yeah. Actually it was kinda weird. Unexpected, I mean.”
“In what way?”
“The one thing she really wanted to do while we were there was for the three of us to go see a movie.”
“This is not a Tau’ri ritual of grieving with which I am familiar.”
“That’s because it isn’t one. Not usually. But, see, her and John were both nuts about old black-and-white movies. He was always quoting from old gangster flicks. ‘Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?’ Like that.”
“I have not heard that phrase.”
“Edward G. Robinson, is all I know. I’ll look it up. But anyway, there was a movie out that year, starred Steve Martin. Know him?”
“I do indeed.”
“Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid. All shot in black-and-white and full of clips from old movies. She wanted to go see that.”
“It was a comedy?”
“Yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely. We all three sat there and laughed like loons. And as a Minnesota boy, I know whereof I speak, when I speak of loons.”
“You did her a great service, then, by accompanying her.”
“It was good for all of us. Kawalsky held her hand, and she held the popcorn in her lap, and I had my arm around her shoulders….”
“And your laughter evoked loons.”
“Yeah. So. Anyway. Here.”
“You have brought the DVD.”
“Thought we might….”
“I would be most pleased to watch with you, O’Neill.”
4. “So he was being all secretive, and everybody immediately figured he had a hot date and was trying to keep her all to himself, you know?”
“I’m sure he had good reason, sir.”
“Oh, pshaw. As if any of us would ever try to steal a buddy’s girl.”
“What was I thinking?”
“So anyway, when he took off a few of us followed him. All very covert. Hey, it’s what we did.”
“So… it was a perfectly valid utilization of the training that Uncle Sam sank American citizen’s tax dollars into, hmm?”
“Shut up, Daniel. So anyway, he goes into this hotel, and we figure he’s heading for the bar or the elevator, but he goes over to the desk, right? And then he sits down in the lobby and we’re all skulking behind potted plants and trying not to laugh, and finally the elevator doors open and this woman comes out and heads over to Kawalsky. And, let’s just say, she wasn’t what we were expecting.”
“What was wrong with her?”
“There wasn’t anything wrong with her, Carter. Except, she was maybe a tad older than Charlie? Like, thirty or forty years worth?”
“Not a hot date.”
“Nooo. Not even close. It was his maiden aunt visiting him all the way from Omaha.”
“Maiden aunt?”
“Sorry, Carter, is that not PC?”
“I do not understand. Did this woman announce her virginal status to you in some way?”
"Um, no, Teal’c, that’s not exactly….”
“No, she didn’t, Teal’c. The Colonel and his friends made assumptions based on her age and marital status, right, sir?”
“Yes, all right. Her name was Miss Kawalsky and she had to be pushing sixty. We leaped… leapt… arrived at the conclusion that seemed appropriate to the calendar period in which we were then living.”
“Yet apparently it was, in fact, inappropriate.”
“In retrospect, we may have been hasty. For all we knew, her phone number might be up on men’s room walls all over Nebraska.”
“Sir!”
“Well, make up your mind, Carter!”
“Um, Teal’c, let me explain….”
“That will not be necessary, Daniel Jackson. We have men’s rooms on Chulak.”
“Oh!”
“So then, bathroom graffiti is truly, dare I even say it, universal?”
“Jack.”
“Indeed.”
“Good one, sir.”
5. “So we get this hotel room, there in West Berlin, in the seediest part of town. And then we start wandering around, hitting a few bars. Kawalsky had a real taste for ‘good German beer’, he always called it. Like this stuff Daniel brought, that Carter seems to like so much, only a lot better. Shut up, Daniel. So it starts gettin’ late, and we’ve had a snootful, and we’re staggering back to the hotel. And there’s hookers everywhere you look, and we’re examining the possibilities, tryin’ to pick out the transvestites, ya know?”
“For what purpose, O’Neill? Were you desirous of sexual congress with them?”
“What? No! No… congress.”
“Maybe Kawalsky was desirous!”
“Carter!”
“I think they were just trying to avoid making an embarrassing mistake, Teal’c.”
“Thank you, Daniel. I think. Anyway….”
“Why should they be embarrassed? If the skill of the person in question were to be such that O’Neill could be confused as to their gender, it would only speak to their ability and not to O’Neill’s perspicacity.”
“Persipick… hic… prescapacity!”
“All right, Carter, sorry to have to do this, but you’re cut off.”
“No fair!”
“Ah, I guess I probably should have mentioned that this doppelbock is 7.2 % alcohol by volume?”
“Really? Then I take it all back. This is exactly the kind of beer Kawalsky loved. Give Carter her bottle back and let’s have a toast. Teal’c, raise your Sprite. To Charlie Kawalsky, and to fallen comrades everywhere.”
“Hear, hear.”
“To the fallen.”
“The fallen.”
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(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2008 05:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2008 10:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2008 09:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2008 10:46 pm (UTC)I'm very happy with them; gen is hard work!
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2008 08:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)Now that it's cleaned up I guess it won't hurt to crosspost it a day late. LOL
I'm glad you liked it. :-)
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2008 09:34 pm (UTC)“Did this woman announce her virginal status to you in some way?”
“And your laughter evoked loons.”
“Persipick… hic… prescapacity!”
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 13th, 2008 01:31 am (UTC);-)
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 13th, 2008 02:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 13th, 2008 04:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 14th, 2008 02:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 14th, 2008 05:56 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed!
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 7th, 2008 11:49 pm (UTC)He called you ‘sir’. It made me cringe. Oh, wait.
We leaped… leapt… arrived at the conclusion that seemed appropriate to the calendar period in which we were then living.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 8th, 2008 01:48 am (UTC)IIRC #4 was the last one I wrote, after I couldn't think of another idea and had to walk away. Of course then the idea came to me out of nowhere while I was watching TV. :-)
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 26th, 2013 02:12 pm (UTC)(I think my favorite line is Teal'c's reference to bathroom walls on Chulak, but I loved the regular refrain of "Shut up, Daniel" and poor Sam's objections and Teal'c being his delightfully deadpan self.)
All in all, a great tribute to Kawalsky.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 26th, 2013 04:58 pm (UTC)I'd forgotten all the "Sorry, Carter"s sprinkled in this. But as usual, Teal'c gets all the best lines!
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 26th, 2013 02:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 26th, 2013 05:01 pm (UTC)