Okay sid, you wanted me to write you some Jack/Daniel instead of Jack Aubrey/Stephen Maturin - so here ya go!
Horus Shoots Sheep
Damn, this should have all been so straightforward. So why was it Jack who was tied to the bed, naked, blindfolded, and smothered in oil when it should have been Daniel? The premise was simple enough: leave a coded message on the nightstand and Daniel ‘Brain the Size of a Planet’ Jackson wouldn’t be able to help himself; he decode it and then tell Jack what it said…
‘Jack, what is this?’ Daniel waved the scrap of paper at him, ‘Why have you left me a pictogram saying "Horus shoots sheep"?’
‘What the hell are you talking about?’
‘Look, here’s the sign for Horus, there’s an arrow in this middle picture and I’m pretty sure that’s a sheep – unless it’s a cloud with four sticks coming out of it.’ Daniel turned the paper this way and that as if trying to make up his mind.
‘It’s a heart Daniel, a heart with an arrow through it? The heart is the important bit.’
‘So Horus has shot the sheep through the heart… Why?’
‘Oh for fu… Look you idiot; it’s the sign for love. A heart with an arrow through it, means love, okay?’
‘Horus loves sheep? Isn’t that illegal?’
‘It’s a female sheep Daniel, see, its got udders.’ Jack pointed to the extra fluffy bit underneath the cloud on sticks.
‘Still doesn’t make it legal, not on this planet, anyway.’
‘A female sheep is a ewe, city boy, get it?’ Jack waggled his eyebrows condescendingly. Daniel frowned over the pictures once more, his lips half-forming the words.
‘Ok-aaay - but what has this got to do with Horus? Ra, I could have understood…’
‘Why do you keep saying Horus? Where does it say Horus?’ Jack was getting exasperated by this now, how was it possible that Daniel could decode whole languages yet couldn’t grasp the simplest of messages?
‘There.’ Daniel pointed to stylised Egyptian eye that Jack had taken such pains over.
‘It’s an eye, you doofus! What, did you think I was going to do an eye with big spiders-leg eyelashes round it like a fifteen-year-old girl? It’s an eye. See - an eye, a heart, a ewe’ Jack pointed to each of the pictures in turn, ‘I - Love - You! I love you - what is so difficult to understand about that?’ He looked up. Shit. Daniel was grinning all over his Brain the Size of a Planet face.
‘Nothing at all Jack, nothing at all. And as you said it first, I won the bet - bring the oil would you?’ Daniel smirked as he headed towards the bedroom. ‘Oh and by the way…’
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branchandroot
Horus Shoots Sheep
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2012 11:43 am (UTC)Horus Shoots Sheep
Damn, this should have all been so straightforward. So why was it Jack who was tied to the bed, naked, blindfolded, and smothered in oil when it should have been Daniel? The premise was simple enough: leave a coded message on the nightstand and Daniel ‘Brain the Size of a Planet’ Jackson wouldn’t be able to help himself; he decode it and then tell Jack what it said…
‘Jack, what is this?’ Daniel waved the scrap of paper at him, ‘Why have you left me a pictogram saying "Horus shoots sheep"?’
‘What the hell are you talking about?’
‘Look, here’s the sign for Horus, there’s an arrow in this middle picture and I’m pretty sure that’s a sheep – unless it’s a cloud with four sticks coming out of it.’ Daniel turned the paper this way and that as if trying to make up his mind.
‘It’s a heart Daniel, a heart with an arrow through it? The heart is the important bit.’
‘So Horus has shot the sheep through the heart… Why?’
‘Oh for fu… Look you idiot; it’s the sign for love. A heart with an arrow through it, means love, okay?’
‘Horus loves sheep? Isn’t that illegal?’
‘It’s a female sheep Daniel, see, its got udders.’ Jack pointed to the extra fluffy bit underneath the cloud on sticks.
‘Still doesn’t make it legal, not on this planet, anyway.’
‘A female sheep is a ewe, city boy, get it?’ Jack waggled his eyebrows condescendingly. Daniel frowned over the pictures once more, his lips half-forming the words.
‘Ok-aaay - but what has this got to do with Horus? Ra, I could have understood…’
‘Why do you keep saying Horus? Where does it say Horus?’ Jack was getting exasperated by this now, how was it possible that Daniel could decode whole languages yet couldn’t grasp the simplest of messages?
‘There.’ Daniel pointed to stylised Egyptian eye that Jack had taken such pains over.
‘It’s an eye, you doofus! What, did you think I was going to do an eye with big spiders-leg eyelashes round it like a fifteen-year-old girl? It’s an eye. See - an eye, a heart, a ewe’ Jack pointed to each of the pictures in turn, ‘I - Love - You! I love you - what is so difficult to understand about that?’ He looked up. Shit. Daniel was grinning all over his Brain the Size of a Planet face.
‘Nothing at all Jack, nothing at all. And as you said it first, I won the bet - bring the oil would you?’ Daniel smirked as he headed towards the bedroom. ‘Oh and by the way…’
‘What?’
‘Horus Shoots Sheep too.’