Chapter Two of "Sticks and Stones"; J/D; rated R

[sid]

In Chapter Two, Daniel is in Janet's hands, and Jack is in General Hammond's.  And the angst continues....
  CHAPTER TWO

General George Hammond was at the foot of the ramp when SG-1 came through the Stargate, waiting to find out why his people were coming home hours ahead of schedule. Teal’c was the first to appear, wearing his own backpack, and carrying two others by the straps. "Medic," he called out harshly.

Major Carter and Dr. Jackson came through next. The major had a firm grip on Daniel’s upper arm. She shot a distressed look in the general’s direction, as she took Daniel to meet the approaching gurney and medical team. George noted Daniel’s appearance with growing alarm. Then he swung his head around and watched Colonel O’Neill coming down the ramp, pack slung over one shoulder and arms full of weapons.

Teal’c set his burdens down, and turned to help O’Neill pass the weapons to the waiting airmen. Jack was staring at the foot of the ramp, where Daniel had climbed onto the gurney and curled onto his side. George turned his head and saw Daniel close his eyes like an exhausted child. The gurney began to move away. Sam walked rapidly alongside, her hand covering Daniel’s.

"Colonel O’Neill? What happened?" Hammond asked. Jack motioned for Teal’c to follow the gurney, and turned his attention to his commanding officer. George was shocked at what he saw in the other man’s face. "Colonel?"

"I fucked up, sir," Jack replied, his voice cracking with strain. He looked like he might collapse at any moment, judging by the pallor of his complexion.

"My office, Colonel," George said firmly, keeping his concern concealed. If Jack was about to break down, he couldn’t allow him to do it here, in front of so many people. He motioned for Jack to lead the way, so that he would be behind him on the stairs if he stumbled. But they arrived at his office without incident. George shut the door behind them, and said, "Sit down, Jack," with an accompanying push in the direction of the nearest chair.

George closed his other office door, and sat down behind his desk. Jack’s elbows were on his knees, his head in his hands. After a few seconds of silence, George ordered, "Report, Colonel."

Jack raised his head slowly. "Daniel was attacked." He swallowed with an effort. "Sexually assaulted."

Hammond’s face showed his horror. "Raped, you mean?"

"I think so," Jack answered, his voice trembling. "And I’m responsible." He met George’s confused and troubled eyes. "I gave my permission to the man who did it."

"You can’t mean what you’re saying," Hammond said in disbelief. "That you knowingly allowed…"

"No!" Jack cried out. Strained silence filled the room. "I would never…" he was unable to finish the sentence.

"I want you to tell me exactly what did happen," George ordered. And with stumbling words and averted eyes, Jack told him. Shame and self-disgust permeated his account of his actions and thoughts, and were reflected in his body language as well. George was disappointed and angry at what he was hearing. And mentally kicking himself for not seeing that a problem had developed, some weeks ago evidently.

Jack finished relating what they had found in the locked basement room where Daniel had been attacked. Talking about it made him burn with the urgent need to go to Daniel, to find out how badly he was hurt. But Daniel wouldn’t want him there. He fought back tears, and looked up into Hammond’s angry eyes. "You’ll have my resignation on your desk as soon as possible, General."

"Unacceptable, Colonel O’Neill," Hammond snapped. "I am not going to allow you to take the easy way out of this."

"Sir?" Jack questioned in confusion. "I’m obviously not fit to be leading a team in the field. I placed Daniel in harm’s way. It’s my job to protect my people, and I - I lost my temper and…"

"Is this a mistake that you think you’re likely to be repeating?"

"No, sir! God, no, of course not, but that’s not the point! I don’t deserve to be allowed to lead…"

"You think you deserve to be punished, is that it, Colonel?" George asked sternly. Jack stared at him mutely. "Colonel? Is that what you think?"

"Yes, sir," Jack answered, pain in his eyes.

"I agree," George replied. "And I have every intention of placing an official reprimand in your file." He surveyed Jack’s face carefully. "But your real punishment, in this case, is going to be facing Dr. Jackson, knowing what your actions brought about."

"Sir," Jack said hesitantly, "With all due respect, I think I know where you’re heading with this, and I’ve got to say that it just isn’t going to happen."

"Explain," Hammond said, frowning.

"Daniel is never going to want to work with me again," Jack said with a frozen expression. "How could he? What I did was completely unforgivable. My resigning is the only thing to do now."

"Jack," George said quietly, "Daniel Jackson, in my experience, is one of the most forgiving people in the galaxy."

"Not this," Jack said remorsefully. "No one could forgive this."

"Well, we’ll find out, won’t we?" George said. Jack looked at him with trepidation. "I am ordering you to go to Dr. Jackson and apologize for your behavior, and, if necessary, you will get down on your knees, Colonel, and beg for his forgiveness."

"Sir…"

"Are you questioning my order, Colonel?" Hammond barked. Jack sat silent, helpless. George’s heart softened towards the distressed man. "And don’t wait, Jack. Do it now." Jack looked up at him, a plea in his eyes. "Do you really think it’s fair to Daniel to make him wait? Don’t you think he deserves your apology?"

"Yes, sir, of course he does," Jack got out with an effort.

"Delaying things won’t make your task any easier, and it would be a slap in the face to Dr. Jackson," George pointed out.

"You’re right, sir," Jack said. "I’m not thinking very clearly. Thank you."

George rose from his chair. "And get yourself checked out while you’re there, Colonel. You look like hell."

"Yessir," Jack replied. The next thing he knew, he was in the corridor outside the general’s office, with only the vaguest memory of how he came to be there. But he knew clearly where he was meant to be going. He headed slowly for the infirmary.

~~~~

Daniel laid on his side on the moving gurney, and tried not to think, not to feel. He knew he was safe now. Petr and his knife were light years away. But Daniel could still hear his voice, see the sickness in his eyes. Feel his hands. The weight of his body. No! It was over, he had to stop thinking about it. He could feel Sam’s hand holding his, and he tried to concentrate on that. Her warmth, her caring. Jack. Jack had cared once. What had he done that caused that to change? Even before today, things had been getting bad. He remembered Jack grabbing his arm that morning, shouting at him. What had it all been about? He didn’t remember. He could still smell and taste Petr. Your Colonel said I could have you. Daniel moaned in anguish, feeling Sam’s hand tighten its grip, hearing her telling him that everything was going to be all right. But it wasn’t, it wasn’t, it wasn’t. The universe had turned upside down. His friend, his rock, was lost to him. Let me show you what you do to me. The knife was at his throat, and he was alone. His hands were bound, and he couldn’t breathe. His throat ached. No, stop it, stop it. It’s over. His split lip stung from the saltiness of the single tear that rolled down his bruised cheek.

Voices. Bright lights. The infirmary. Janet. Janet’s voice. Concern. Gentle, cool hands.

Safety.

~~~~

"Daniel?"

Daniel had kept his eyes closed and had remained silent throughout the process of getting him undressed and into a examination gown. He had responded to orders and requests to lift this or that limb, but in his mind he remained at a distance. He opened his eyes now, as Janet repeated his name insistently. "I’m here," he said wearily.

Janet smiled with relief. "Glad to hear it, Daniel. We need to take your vital signs now, okay?"

"Sure," Daniel acquiesced. "No problem."

Janet and her nurse set about their tasks, while Daniel pretended he was someplace else. Somewhere very warm. Sunny. Abydos. "Danyel?"

"What?" Daniel was startled out of his daydream.

"I’m going to begin my examination now," Janet said gently. "Then we’ll get these cuts cleaned up and bandaged." She saw how Daniel’s face changed. A shiver ran through his body, as he remembered Petr and his knife. "Are you cold?" And suddenly Daniel felt very cold, deep inside. Tears escaped and rolled down his face as he nodded. Janet asked the nurse to get a heated blanket. She held Daniel’s hand, rubbing warmth into his fingers while they waited. He managed a small, grateful smile for her.

The blanket arrived, and was wrapped around his shoulders as he sat on the edge of the bed. Daniel burrowed into the welcome warmth. Janet began her examination with his face and neck.

~~~~

Jack arrived at the infirmary, and found his teammates waiting near the closed door of one of the private examination rooms. Teal’c was standing guard over the door, and Carter was slumped in one of the hard plastic chairs that lined the hallway. She rose to her feet as Jack approached. He shook his head, and motioned for her to sit. He sank heavily into the chair beside her. "Any word?" he asked.

"No, sir," Sam replied.

"Did he say anything?" Jack stared at the wall in front of him.

"He did not," Teal’c answered.

"You talk to Fraiser?" Jack asked Carter.

"Yes, sir," she replied. "I told her as much as we know. What we…suspect happened."

"Okay," Jack said in a quiet, strained voice.

The three of them waited silently, Jack in his own private hell.

~~~~

Finally, the door to the examination room opened, and Janet stepped out, closing the door behind her. SG-1 was on its feet, and in her personal space before the latch finished clicking into place. Janet looked up at them, unsurprised. "Let’s step into my office, shall we?" she invited.

They filed into Janet’s office, and she closed the door behind them. Seating herself behind her desk, she reached for a round, bright red tin box that sat on a nearby shelf. She opened the tin, and passed it to Sam. "Sugar cookies," she said with a small smile. "Cassie baked them. They’re highly recommended for combating the symptoms of shock."

Sam held the cookie tin as if it might explode. They all looked at Janet in confusion.

"Daniel wasn’t raped," Janet told them promptly. "Eat your cookies."

"Oh, thank god," Sam murmured. She took a cookie and passed the tin to Teal’c, who visibly relaxed the tense set of his shoulders as he selected his own cookie. Jack shook his head abruptly when the box was offered to him.

Janet looked at Jack’s face carefully. "You are to take two cookies, Colonel. That’s an order from your doctor." Jack grimaced, but took the cookies. "Eat," Janet admonished them all. "Colonel, trust me, you’ll feel better. Eat!" She watched them as they munched.

"These are excellent," Teal’c praised. "You will thank Cassandra for us?"

"I will be very sure to do that," Janet promised. Jack had managed to choke down one cookie, but could only stare at the second one. "You can finish that one in a minute, Colonel," Janet said kindly. "Let me finish filling you in on Daniel’s condition." Three pairs of anxious eyes immediately bored into her. "He has no serious injuries. He has multiple shallow knife wounds, none of which require stitches. Barring infection, they’ll heal cleanly. I’ve started him on a broad-spectrum antibiotic. He sustained multiple contusions, which will heal with time. He suffered a split lip, with attendant swelling, which will be quite uncomfortable for a few days."

Jack abruptly stood up and began to pace around the small room. Janet eyed him cautiously, and resumed. "He struck the back of his head, but I’ve determined that there is no concussion. Pressure was applied to his neck, which will cause a sore throat for a few days. His wrists were bound, and have been bandaged to avoid further irritation of the skin." She paused. "That’s the extent of his physical injuries. Naturally, in an assault of this type, there will be psychological trauma. Daniel will be required to see a therapist, and I’m sure that all of you will provide him with the support he’s going to need." Janet smiled at each of them. "And I’m available to any of you, if you should need to talk about this, or I can refer you to a therapist if you like."

SG-1 looked back at her soberly, except for Colonel O’Neill, who stared at the floor. "I know it’s a lot of information to take in," Janet said gently, "but, the truth is, that this is an extremely favorable report, under the circumstances. Daniel was very lucky." A strangling sound came from Jack’s lips. All eyes converged on him, and he flushed darkly and turned away.

"Can we see him?" Sam asked, hesitantly.

Janet shook her head. "I’ve administered a mild sedative. I think Daniel needs a little more time to regroup before he’ll welcome visitors."

"I need to speak to him," Jack said in a flat tone of voice. Janet started to shake her head. "General Hammond’s orders."

"All right, Colonel, I’ll let you have five minutes. But first, you’re going to finish that other cookie. My orders."

~~~~

Jack stood outside Daniel’s infirmary room door, hand poised to knock. He would rather be knocking on a System Lord’s door. Unarmed. No contest, really. He thought about Hammond’s words. It wouldn’t be fair to Daniel to make him wait any longer. He knocked firmly. "Come in."

Daniel turned his head to the door, surprised by the knock. Jack stood in the doorway. Another surprise. "May I come in?" Momentarily speechless, Daniel made a gesture with his hand. It wasn’t welcoming, but it wasn’t a clear refusal. Jack decided to take it as a ’yes’. He walked over to stand next to Daniel’s bed. The two men looked at each other. Jack stared uncomfortably at Daniel’s bruises and bandages, while Daniel observed how ill the other man appeared. Another surprise. No, not really. Somehow he had expected it. He had thought he knew Jack so well, not so long ago.

Momentarily overcome with pain and loss, Daniel turned his face away from Jack. Reacting, Jack closed his eyes and lowered his head in shame. Tension filled the small room. Don’t make him wait. "I’m here to apologize, Daniel. What happened to you is my fault." He got those words out before his throat closed up on him, causing his next words to come out as sobs. "And I’m more sorry than I can ever…." He broke off, and sank into the bedside chair, covering his face with his hands.

Daniel turned his head and looked at the other man. It was the sedative, he mused. He should be feeling something, shouldn’t he? He just felt pleasantly numb. "Thank you for telling me, Jack," he said politely, distantly. He remembered now, that he had decided to keep his distance from Jack. Until Jack explained his behavior satisfactorily. Yes, that was right. He frowned. That was before….Jack had been treating him badly for a long time now. But today…

"Jack?"

"Yes?" Jack lifted a tear-stained face.

"Did you really give him your permission?" Daniel inquired in a tone of mild curiosity.

"Jesus, not to do this! To talk to you," Jack cried out.

Daniel nodded. "Guess he didn’t get that part," he commented idly. Jack made a choking sound. "Tell me what you said to him," Daniel instructed.

"Not now, Daniel, please," Jack begged.

"No, this is the perfect time," Daniel pointed out. "I’m so drugged up that I can’t get mad at you. You should take advantage of that."

Jack stared at Daniel’s battered face. "All right," he said weakly.

Daniel settled back against the pillows. "Okay, so what happened?" he asked sleepily.

"He came up to me," Jack began hesitantly.

"Petr?"

"Yeah. He said that you were…exquisite." Daniel looked at Jack with raised eyebrows. "Yeah. Then he asked me how I ever got any work done. Said that if you were his…"

"You should have realized right then that he was a nut job," Daniel pointed out mildly.

"Yes," Jack forced out, "I realize that. And I regret it." Daniel waved a hand dismissively. Jack continued, "He could tell that we had quarreled. He said I should treat you better…" Daniel snorted. Jack felt the pain in his chest return. How could he tell Daniel this next part?

"Are we getting close to the part where you tell him he can have me?" Daniel said with a yawn.

Jack stared at him. "That would be now," he said tightly.

"Go on," Daniel urged.

"I told him, if he wanted you he could have you," Jack said, with deep regret in his voice. "But that he’d have to ask you first."

"Oh, that was nice of you," Daniel murmured.

"No, not really," Jack confessed. "I just wanted to see the look on your face when he propositioned you." He waited for Daniel to react.

"It was a practical joke," Daniel said softly, in surprise.

"A very bad one, yes," Jack said with sorrow.

"But you never really meant it. What you said?" Daniel asked. "That he could have me."

"Of course not," Jack said, stunned. "Did you actually think…?"

"Oh, not that he could rape me, no. Well, I did wonder for a while to be honest." Daniel was floating on a cloud of barbiturates. A small sound from Jack caught his wandering attention. "He didn’t, you know that, right? Jack?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah, Fraiser told us that," he said with an effort. Daniel had actually believed…

"He tried, though. But I think his heart just wasn’t in it." Daniel’s eyelids were growing heavy. "He kissed me, and he touched me. He rubbed himself against me." Daniel made a face, remembering. But it all seemed so far away right now. "He hit me, he tied me up. He cut me. And he choked me." Jack watched and listened, agonized. "But he didn’t rape me." There was a short silence.

Daniel turned his head lazily toward Jack. "He kept telling me that he had your permission. I think that was the worst part of all, Jack."

"I’m so sorry, Daniel." Jack moved forward on his chair, and laid a tentative hand on Daniel’s shoulder.

"What happened to us?" Daniel asked fuzzily.

Jack swallowed. "What do you mean?"

"We were such good friends once. Did I imagine that? I thought it was true."

"You didn’t imagine anything, Daniel. It was true, I swear," Jack whispered painfully.

"What did I do?" Daniel wanted to know. He blinked, trying to focus on Jack’s face.

"Nothing, you did nothing wrong. That’s the truth," Jack said, rubbing Daniel’s shoulder soothingly.

"But something happened. Something changed. I lost you somehow." Sleepy blue eyes stared at Jack for a moment before sliding closed.

"You got too close, Daniel. It was my fault. I let you get too close," Jack whispered, ashamed.

A tiny flicker of blue showed between Daniel’s eyelashes. "Oh, well, then, problem solved," he mumbled, and slid into drugged sleep.

Leaving Jack bent over in his chair, wracked with sorrow.

~~~~~~

 Chapter Three sid.dreamwidth.org/10859.html

Comments

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

Poor both of them... Loved Daniel's ability to be with it even when he was drugged and realise that it'd be better for both of them if Jack told him when he was cushioned by the drugs.


And your Janet rocks :-)

[sid]

Thanks! *misses Janet* She rocks, but George rules!

[dianehc.livejournal.com]

Just curious, will this end here?

I can certainly see this as an endpoint for this particular fic, but I can also see Jack torturing himself over this long after Daniel forgives him.... convincing himself that it's one more example of why he shouldn't let people get to close.

[dianehc.livejournal.com]

Oh, by the way, great job.

[sid]

I'm glad you're enjoying the angst! It's not my usual thing, but I forced myself to torture the boys!

[sid]

There are two more chapters. I'm afraid I only mentioned that in the first post. :-(

I'll be posting another chapter later tonight, and we'll see how Jack is faring. :-)

[msbeata.livejournal.com]

Gah! Poor Daniel. Poor Jack.

And I don't know your style well enough to know if I should expect a happy ending.

[sid]

I'm the official happy ending kid. This story was quite a challenge. I couldn't imagine it not working out. Somehow. But it was awfully hard to picture anything good at this point of the story.