Chapter Three of "Sticks and Stones"; J/D; rated R

[sid]

"Sticks and Stones"; Jack/Daniel; Rated R

In Chapter Three, things are finally looking up, or so Jack thought....
(there is just no end to the angst!)



CHAPTER THREE

General Hammond called Jack to his office an hour later. "Sit down, Colonel. You saw Dr. Jackson, I’m told?"

"Yes, sir," Jack replied.

"How did it go, Jack?" Hammond asked, watching his 2IC keenly.

There was a rueful glimmer of faint humor in Jack’s eyes as he answered. "Hard to say really, sir. Dr. Fraiser had given him a sedative. He fell asleep."

George leaned forward. "You were able to apologize to him first?"

"Yes, sir, I did that first thing." Jack looked at the general soberly. "I remembered what you said, about not making him wait." He swallowed. "That really helped."

"Good," George replied with a small smile. "Did Dr. Jackson accept your apology?"

Jack frowned. "He thanked me for it."

"Did you not carry out my orders in their entirety, Colonel?" Jack looked puzzled. "The part about going down on your knees, and begging," Hammond told him sternly.

Jack was shaking his head. "Sir, I’m not even sure how much of the whole thing Daniel will remember when he wakes up. But I didn’t mean to disobey your orders," he hastened to add, when he saw the look on the general’s face, "it’s just that Daniel wanted me to answer some questions for him. And then by the time I’d done that…he was asleep."

"I see," George said, thoughtfully. "May I ask, what you two talked about?"

"He wanted to know exactly what I said to…"

"His attacker?" George filled in the blank.

Jack nodded. "He actually told me that there would never be a better time to tell him, since he was too drugged up to be mad at me." Jack looked mildly astonished at the memory.

George nodded with satisfaction. "I think I was right, Jack." The other man looked at him questioningly. "Daniel will forgive you. Just give it some time."

"I hope you’re right, sir," Jack said doubtfully. "If he’ll let me, I’ll talk to him tomorrow." He grimaced. "And finish carrying out your orders."

"You and I will be talking tomorrow, as well, Colonel. About that reprimand." Jack nodded his head. He’d been expecting to hear this. "We’re also going to be talking about the nature of the problem that has developed between you and Dr. Jackson."

"Actually, sir, we could take care of that part now, if you want," Jack suggested. At George’s look of surprise, he added, "I’m kind of in the same boat as Daniel at the moment. There couldn’t be a better time."

"What do you mean, Colonel?" George questioned, frowningly.

Another rueful glimmer of humor. "Fraiser gave me a Xanax."

~~~~

After his talk with General Hammond, large portions of which were off the record, Jack was ordered to take the rest of the afternoon off, go home, and get some rest. Jack had shown George the small white envelope that Janet had given him. "No problem, sir," he had said, causing George to comment that Dr. Fraiser did good work.

Jack felt considerably easier in his mind as he drove home from the Mountain. Not entirely due to Janet’s pharmacological intervention, either. The conversation with Hammond had gone far better than Jack had had any right to expect. There was still the reprimand to come tomorrow, but the real danger had existed today. His career could have been over, easily. The resignation that Hammond had refused to accept earlier in the day, could very well have been demanded after the things Jack had said in Hammond’s office that afternoon.

Instead, George’s understanding and support had done wonders to restore Jack’s faith in himself. A heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and he felt more free than he had in years.

Of course Jack couldn’t overlook the irony.

He had more or less been granted carte blanche to pursue his heart’s desire.

On the very same day that he had destroyed any hope of ever achieving it.

~~~~

Janet slept on a cot in her office, wanting to be there for Daniel if he had a bad night, which seemed all too likely.

Teal’c eventually found peace in kel’no’reem, but it took him some time to be able to focus his mind, which kept filling with thoughts of his friend.

Sam dozed on a pillow-laden chair in the corner of Daniel’s room. The lines of worry that creased her unhappy face only disappeared during the brief intervals in which she slept.

George stared at the ceiling in his bedroom for a long time, questioning whether his decisions that day had been wise ones, and hoping against hope for a happy outcome to what so easily could have been a tragedy.

Jack slept like a baby. A physically and emotionally exhausted baby.

Daniel’s hands twitched and jerked in his sleep, but if his dreams disturbed him, they disturbed no one else. All was quiet.

~~~~

When Daniel woke in the morning, he lay in a fog for a few pleasant seconds, before full awareness returned to him. Jack had lost his temper, and Petr had attacked him. Daniel parted his mouth in a gasp, and felt the pain of his split lip. He instinctively raised his hand toward his face, and saw the bandage on his wrist. All his memories of the previous day came flooding back. He felt a tight constriction in his chest.

His head tossed restlessly on his pillow, and for the first time he saw Sam sleeping in the corner. Daniel felt calmer instantly. He wasn’t alone. He had been alone in that locked basement room with Petr, but he was among friends now.

Even Jack had come to apologize yesterday. The memory wasn’t very clear. Janet’s sedative had done an excellent job. But he had come, that much was clear, and his regret had been sincere. It had all been a practical joke, that was it. Daniel stared up at the ceiling, tears forming in his confused eyes. Just a joke. A small sob escaped him.

"Daniel?" Sam was out of the chair and at Daniel’s bedside in a heartbeat. She saw moisture slide out of the corner of one eye. "Are you in pain?" Daniel shook his head automatically, then gave a small nod. "I’ll get Janet," Sam said, and went quickly out of the room.

Daniel let his tears flow unimpeded. He felt curiously disconnected from his body. He did an inventory of his aches and pains while he waited for Janet to come. She would ask him where he hurt, and he tried to figure it out for her. He smiled sadly. If he said ‘my heart’ she would start ordering EKGs.

Janet’s cool fingers took his wrist, her soft eyes stared down at him intently. "Where does it hurt, Daniel?"

~~~~

When Jack got to the Mountain, he went directly to the infirmary, before changing out of his civvies. He tapped on the door of Janet’s office. She was at her desk sipping coffee, and going over patient charts. "Good morning, Colonel O’Neill," she said. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept fine, thank you. And I mean that," he replied. "The thank you part."

"Glad to hear it," Janet said with a smile. "Come to check in on Dr. Jackson?"

"How did he sleep?" Jack wanted to know.

"Very soundly," Janet told him. "He was a bit disoriented when he woke up, not to be considered unusual at all under the circumstances. He’s sitting up and should be eating breakfast right now. Maybe you’d like to check on that for me?"

Jack visibly hesitated. "Sure he’s up for visitors?"

"Ask him yourself," Janet suggested. Jack twitched his mouth, shrugged, and walked out of the room, leaving the good doctor wondering just exactly what was going on with the colonel. Normally a team of wild horses couldn’t keep Jack away when Daniel, or any of SG-1 for that matter, were in the infirmary. Resolving to keep an eye on the situation, she returned to her charts, confident that her stockpile of Xanax was equal to any crisis.

~~~~

Daniel was prepared when Jack came through his door, or at least he wasn’t caught off guard. He would know Jack’s footsteps anywhere in the universe. "Good morning," he said, too loudly, and resumed pushing around the unappetizing food on his breakfast tray.

"Hey," Jack responded. He came closer. "So, how they treating you?"

Daniel looked at his food in disgust. "I don’t think they like me very much, if this is any indication." Jack leaned over and sniffed at the contents of Daniel’s plate.

"Smells safe anyway," he said cautiously. Daniel stared at him. "Looks like crap," Jack hastened to add. Daniel couldn’t help smiling. Jack relaxed a fraction, and took a seat. "Doc said you slept well. That was good to hear."

"I don’t remember much, so I guess that’s the truth," Daniel said. He took a forkful of scrambled eggs, and swallowed it. "You?" he asked with a seeming nonchalance that fooled neither of them.

"Yeah, Doc kinda helped me out there, too," Jack confessed. Daniel looked at him in surprise. Jack shrugged. "Not trying to compare my day to yours, but mine - pretty much sucked."

"No," Daniel said thoughtfully, "you really couldn’t compare the two." Jack felt a return of yesterday’s pain in his chest. The guilt and remorse that had never completely left him were speaking to him loudly at the moment. Daniel ate a little more food. "So, did you just come by to say hi?" he asked, not looking up from his plate.

"I wanted to see how you were doing," Jack hedged.

"You could have gotten that from Janet." Daniel looked up. "In fact, you did get that from Janet."

Jack made a face. "I don’t know how much you remember about our conversation yesterday? Here, before you fell asleep?"

"I think I remember it all," Daniel said, striving to remain calm.

"I tried to answer all your questions," Jack began.

"You did," Daniel concurred.

"I apologized," Jack said in a tight voice.

"Yes, you did," Daniel whispered.

‘You…maybe you didn’t get the chance," Jack stumbled, " to tell me if you accepted my apology." Daniel was silent. "Or not," Jack finished, feeling sick.

Daniel pushed his plate away. He couldn’t eat another bite. He continued to stare at it however. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Jack. He just couldn’t.

Jack remembered his conversation with George. "General Hammond," he said softly, "has ordered me to get down on my knees, and beg for your forgiveness."

Daniel frowned at his plate, and then looked up at Jack, who was staring at the floor. "But you’re not going to do that, are you?" Daniel said with certainty. But not understanding in the least.

"No, I’m not," Jack said, meeting Daniel’s troubled eyes. "Not because you don’t deserve to see me on my knees. But because I don’t deserve your forgiveness."

"Oh," Daniel said softly. Silence fell between the two men. Jack began to fiddle with the edge of the sheet that covered Daniel. "Gosh, Jack," Daniel said, "it’s not like you to disobey a direct order." Jack raised amazed eyes, and Daniel smiled slightly.

Jack sat up straighter in his chair. "You want me to do it? I don’t mind, really, I’ll do it. You want me to?" he offered eagerly.

Daniel hesitated. "Maybe later," he said finally. "Maybe this can wait?"

Jack nodded slowly. "Whatever you want." Daniel looked away. "So, like, when, do you think?" Jack pressed. Daniel felt a wave of amusement wash over him. "Only, Hammond is going to want to know," Jack explained awkwardly. "Not trying to rush you, or anything."

"Not here," Daniel said firmly. "When I get out."

"Your place?" Jack asked, not certain if he would be welcome there.

"Okay," Daniel said, "and if the General gives you any trouble, send him to me."

Jack felt a warm, hopeful glow. "Don’t think I won’t," he said. Daniel turned his face away, but this time it was in the vain effort to hide a smile.

~~~~

Janet sat down with Daniel, and had a long talk about Post Traumatic Stress, and the need for counseling. Daniel resisted half-heartedly. He knew that the experience he had suffered at Petr’s hands would certainly come back to haunt him. He thought he could handle it himself, but he was willing to play along for the time being. He didn’t bother to tell her ‘anybody but Mackenzie.’ She knew.

The important thing, as far as Daniel was concerned, was to settle things with Jack.

He foggily remembered Jack saying that he had let Daniel get too close. That was certainly a mistake that Daniel had no intention of repeating.

Jack owed him some answers. And Daniel was still toying with the concept of Jack on his knees, begging for forgiveness.

Janet, satisfied with Daniel’s mental and physical state, agreed to let him go home for a few days off. With the stipulation of daily phone check-ins with her. And no work. Daniel was prepared to agree to almost anything to get the hell out of there. Janet gave him some pills for anxiety, and also to ensure a good night’s sleep. Xanax.

~~~~

When his doorbell rang, Daniel knew who it was going to be. He opened the door to reveal Jack, who bent over to pick up the handles of the grocery sacks he had set down at his feet. "I bought you a few things, in case you were low on stuff," Jack said, carrying the sacks into Daniel’s kitchen.

"Thank you," Daniel said, watching in a daze as Jack began to put items away in his cupboards and refrigerator. Jack looked so at home. When was the last time he had been here? Daniel couldn’t even remember. He gradually realized that Jack wasn’t nearly as comfortable here as he looked. He told himself that that was a good thing.

When he was done unloading the groceries, Jack brushed his hands together, and said, "Any particular place you want me to kneel?"

Daniel said, "Want a drink, Jack?"

"Please," was the heartfelt response.

Daniel smiled tightly, and poured them both a large Scotch on the rocks. Jack accepted his with a pitiful look in his eyes. Daniel touched his glass to Jack’s. The other man looked at him with gratitude, and they both took sizable gulps. ‘Living room?" Daniel suggested.

They walked into the living room, and Daniel sat down in a chair. Jack hovered uncertainly. "Sit down, Jack," Daniel invited.

"You sure?" Jack said uncertainly.

Daniel made a face. "Yeah, I thought about it, and I decided against the kneeling bit." Jack sank down on the couch with a worried look. "Just knowing you’re willing is enough for me," Daniel added. Jack sighed with relief.

"So," Jack said.

"Yeah," Daniel replied.

They both drank.

"I accept your apology," Daniel said formally.

"Thank you," Jack replied with equal formality. "Now what?"

"What do you want me to say?" Daniel questioned.

"Are we going to be able to work together?" Jack’s hands were clenched tightly.

"Do you have a better suggestion?" Daniel asked.

"I offered Hammond my resignation," Jack told him.

Daniel looked alarmed. "I don’t want you to do that!" he exclaimed.

"Well, he wouldn’t accept it," Jack said. He shifted uncomfortably. "One of us could transfer to a different unit."

"We’re SG-1," was Daniel’s answer. Jack raised his glass in answer, and both men drank.

"So," Jack repeated.

"Are we still friends?"

Jack nearly dropped his drink. "Do…do you want to be?" he asked in astonishment.

Daniel shrugged. "I always have. You’re the one who seems to have a problem with it." Jack stared at Daniel, stricken. "You said I got too close," Daniel added. Jack couldn’t speak. "I can promise you that that won’t be a problem in the future."

Jack’s eyes closed briefly. The pain was back in his chest again. He rubbed his hand over his face. "So, what…define friendship." Daniel raised his eyebrows. "Under these circumstances, I mean," Jack finished.

"You’re going to have to toe the line," Daniel told him.

Jack’s jaw dropped. He closed it hastily. "Show me the line, and I’ll toe it."

"Okay, then," Daniel’s face was expressionless as he spoke. "I can share a joke with you. We can meet for lunch every Tuesday. I can call you if my car won’t start."

"Yes," Jack said, heart thumping. "That sounds good, all of it."

"So," Daniel said casually, "Tuesdays work for you?"

"You pick the day, Daniel. I’ll make it work," Jack vowed.

"Excellent toeing," Daniel said, with a twisted smile.

Jack raised his glass in a mock toast.

"There’s just one thing," Daniel added.

"Anything," Jack said recklessly.

"None of this is going to happen until you explain, to my complete satisfaction, what went wrong the first time," Daniel said with outward calm.

"What?" Jack said in shock.

"You said I got too close. I want you to explain that to me." Jack was flabbergasted. "Don’t worry, I gave you my word that it won’t be a problem in the future," Daniel pointed out.

"I….then…"

"What were you afraid of, Jack?" Daniel asked. Jack lowered his head, and stared at the carpet, a flush on his cheeks. Daniel’s lips thinned. He rose from his seat.

"Come back when you’re ready to answer me." Daniel said, throwing open the front door. Jack crossed the room, and searched his eyes for a moment, flinching at the coldness he found there. He left without another word. Daniel shut the door firmly behind him, feeling a burning anger in the pit of his stomach.

He had been right to decide to keep his distance this time around. Jack obviously wanted friendship strictly on his own terms. Well, this time - this time Daniel was going to call the shots.

Daniel double-locked the door, and went to pour himself another Scotch.

~~~~

Final Chapter sid.dreamwidth.org/11225.html

Comments

[dianehc.livejournal.com]

Oh, I like the shades of Daniel here neither wilting under Jack's charms, nor offering true forgiveness too easily. Very nicely detailed.

[sid]

Thank you. :-)
I think the point here with Daniel is that he had already had enough, even before the attack. He was fed up, and so far, he's got no reason to feel any differently. Jack's got some 'splainin' to do first!

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

Enjoyed Daniel dealing so well with Jack and standing his ground.

Not too sure Hammond would ever order Jack to do that, but I can well believe he'd be tempted! :-)

[sid]

Honest, George would totally do that! He talked to me. All through the writing of this fic. George Hammond was talking to me. :-)

Poor Jack was certainly blown away by Daniel's firm stand! He thought he was off the hook. *shakes head* Not quite, Jack.

[delmi.livejournal.com]

Wonderful chapter! I love the complexities of your characterizations...you have me in the edge of my seat!

[sid]

That's why I posted this here on LJ in chapter format. It just works so well that way!! I'm so glad you're enjoying it. :-)

[msbeata.livejournal.com]

::whimpers but keeps reading::

[sid]

I know, I know. *makes soothing sounds* They were thisclose to working it all out. Good for Daniel, though, sticking to his guns.