Final chapter of "Sticks and Stones" J/D, rated R

[sid]

Chapter Four

Jack reported to Hammond’s office the following morning. He had used another one of Janet’s little happy pills to help him sleep. So he felt and looked well-rested, but a closer look at his eyes alerted George to the fact that things had not gone well the night before with Dr. Jackson. "Talk to me, Jack," George urged.

"Well," Jack began, "Daniel accepted my apology. No kneeling required." He smirked half-heartedly. "He wants us both to continue on SG-1. He even said he wants us to be friends."

Hammond tilted his head questioningly. "What am I missing here, Jack? You don’t seem relieved."

"Oh, no, sir," Jack corrected, "I am. It’s more than I deserve, that’s for sure. Better than I could have hoped for."

"Then, what’s wrong?"

"There’s a condition attached," Jack said bluntly.

"One that you can’t meet?" George asked. Jack shrugged helplessly and looked indecisive. "Can you tell me?"

"Off the record?" Jack asked softly.

"Of course," George nodded.

"Daniel is insisting that I tell him why I pushed him away. What I was afraid of, when I said he got too close."

"And you don’t want to tell him," George prodded.

Jack looked at him with troubled eyes. "It just doesn’t seem like a good idea. I mean the timing sucks." He rubbed a hand over his face. "He just came close to getting raped. It really doesn’t seem like the right time to tell him that I want him just as much as the nut job who attacked him!" Jack’s voice had risen throughout his last sentence. He regained a semblance of control. "Sorry, sir."

"Even off the record, Jack, we’re skirting around areas where I really don’t want to go. If you get my meaning," George said uncomfortably.

"TMI." Jack nodded. "Sorry."

George’s face was tinged with pink as he spoke. "But, regardless, your feelings for Daniel go far beyond the physical. You wouldn’t need to mention that aspect at all."

"Well, he’s a bright guy!" Jack pointed out. "He’s bound to figure it out!"

"You can downplay it, if he’s not comfortable with it."

"If?" Jack questioned, sarcastically. Then he grimaced. "Sorry again, sir. And I know it’s not fair for me to come to you with all of this." Both men were silent for a moment. "But I - I really do appreciate…."

"It’s all right, Jack. I want, above all else, to keep my flagship team intact and functioning. If that requires that I offer you a little…guidance in fields normally outside of my purview, well, so be it," George said firmly.

Jack smiled at him, shakily. "I am worried about the timing," he said. "I’m afraid that it could screw the whole thing up, make Daniel change his mind about working together and everything else."

Hammond was thoughtful for a minute. "What do you think would have happened, had you told Dr. Jackson how you felt about him months ago? Before any of this happened, at the height of your friendship?"

"I don’t know," Jack said uncertainly.

"You must have given it some thought," George guessed. "What would you think was the worst case scenario, back then?"

"Worst case, I guess, that he would feel uncomfortable around me. At first, anyway. Pull away."

"Not that he would be disgusted, or offended?"

"Daniel? I doubt it," Jack shook his head. "He’s awfully open-minded."

"And best case?" George’s eyes twinkled. "If it’s not TMI, that is?"

Jack flushed. "No," he chuckled, "I guess the best case would be that he’d be comfortable with my feelings, even though he couldn’t return them. Probably tease me a little. Look for cute guys for me." He rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"Not return your feelings, though?"

"Only in fantasy-land, sir. Just across the border from TMI," Jack joked, with a bitter twist to his lips.

George smiled and shook his head. "I’m failing to see what you’re worried about, Jack. I think you have nothing to lose. If you don’t tell him, you lose his friendship automatically. If you do tell him, he may be made uncomfortable for a while, especially in light of what just happened to him. But what have you lost?"

Jack looked confused and troubled. George continued, quietly. "You say you never had any real hopes of winning him. You can’t lose what you never had, son. But there may still be a chance to restore your friendship."

Jack was silent for several moments, then he said, "How did you get to be so smart, George? You just see right to the heart of the matter." He shook his head in admiration.

"It’s the old story about the onlooker seeing more of the game. That’s all," George answered with a smile.

"I’ll send Daniel an email, ask to see him tonight." Jack was nodding to himself as he rose from his chair. "Thank you for everything, sir. I’ll let you know how it goes."

"Unless it falls into the category of TMI," Hammond admonished him. "Good luck, Jack."

~~~~

Jack composed a carefully worded email, and sent it to Daniel’s private account. Then he tried to get some work done while he waited for a response. Lunch time came around, and Jack’s stomach finally demanded that he go find it some food. He took a hasty trip down to the commissary, and brought a box back to his desk. As he took his seat, he saw that he had received an email reply from Daniel.

He opened the reply, and his heart sank. The first word he saw was "Sorry." He looked away, and his eyes fell on the box of food which he no longer had any interest in eating. Shit! He compressed his lips, and turned back to his monitor to read the rest of Daniel’s reply.

Soon he was smiling. "Idiot," he muttered to himself. Daniel had replied: Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, I was out getting some fresh air and running errands. 6:30 sounds fine. See you then.

Jack closed the message, and fell on his box of food like a man saved from the brink of starvation.

~~~~

Daniel was in his apartment kitchen, cooking himself some pasta and vegetables for lunch. When he had put the pasta water on to boil, he went over to his CD player and started playing some music. Soon he was humming along.

He had been almost certain that Jack would cave in. He just didn’t know it would happen so soon.

All he had to do now was remain firm. Stick to his guns. He was in control, and he felt good. Strong.

One of his errands that morning had been his first visit to the therapist. He understood why feeling in control was so important to him right now, but he knew he wasn’t being unreasonable. He was sticking to the decision he had made before Petr. He was confident that he was on the right track. And he had no intention of allowing Jack to derail him.

~~~~

Jack arrived at Daniel’s place shortly before 6:30. Daniel opened the door with one hand, and offered Jack a bottle of beer with the other. Jack actually laughed a little, and basked in the warmth he saw in the other man’s eyes. This was a promising start, and wiped away the memory of his ignominious departure of the night before. He could do this. He owed Daniel this explanation. And, like the earlier apology, he should never have made Daniel wait for it. "I’m sorry," he said contritely.

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "For what?"

"Last night."

"Ah."

Jack flushed faintly. "I was chicken."

"That’s okay," Daniel told him, smiling happily. "You’re here now."

"Yeah." Jack returned his friend’s smile shyly.

Daniel blinked a few times. "Uh, let’s sit down?"

The two men went into the living room, and when Jack sat down on the couch, Daniel took a seat beside him. Jack was a little surprised, but then he noticed the glass of wine on the coffee table in front of them. Daniel had been sitting here while he waited for Jack to arrive. Still, he would have moved if he wanted to, right? This seemed promising as well. Jack gave Daniel a slightly more confident smile, and raised his beer bottle in a toast. "To friendship?"

Daniel hastily picked up his half-empty glass of wine, and touched it to Jack’s drink. "And understanding," he teased. Jack made a face, and shook his head slightly, but drank willingly.

A momentary silence fell. Daniel looked at Jack expectantly. "I know, I know," Jack said. Daniel grinned and looked away, sipping his wine. "Okay," Jack began, twisting his body on the sofa to face the other man. "The question was, why did I push you away? What was I afraid of if you got too close?"

"Right," Daniel agreed softly.

Jack set down his bottle of beer carefully. "My feelings," he said. A puzzled expression appeared on Daniel’s face. "For you," Jack added awkwardly. "I was afraid that if you got too close, " he swallowed and looked away, "I wouldn’t be able to hide them."

"Oh!" Daniel sounded shocked. Jack couldn’t bring himself to look at the other man’s face.

"Feelings I wasn’t allowed to have," Jack continued, pointedly. "For a lot of reasons."

"Right," Daniel said, ‘I can - I can understand that."

"So when you got too close, I tried to pull back." Jack finally looked at Daniel. "Fucked things up big time," he added ruefully.

Daniel frowned at the coffee table. "It seemed like you almost hated me, sometimes."

"You started to irritate me," Jack explained. Daniel looked at him in hurt surprise. "You were - under my skin. I guess. If I hated anybody, it was myself, Daniel. Never you," Jack said sincerely.

Daniel scratched his head. "Jack, can you do something for me?"

"I’ll try," Jack promised.

"Can you put these…feelings into words for me? I-I want to be absolutely sure I’m not misunderstanding you."

"Ouch," Jack protested. Daniel’s lips curved into a smile. "You don’t ask for much, do you?" he procrastinated.

"It would really help me out, Jack," Daniel said softly. "I promise not to hold it against you, either way."

"Okay. I love you," Jack told the coffee table.

"Thank you for telling me," Daniel replied after a brief pause. He picked up his wine and took a hearty swallow. Jack relaxed minutely, but had the sense that the other shoe was yet to drop. He was startled to hear Daniel laugh. It didn’t sound happy. Their eyes met. "I was just thinking, that it was kind of ironic. You’ve disproved one old saying, and proven another one."

"You lost me," Jack said uneasily.

"’Sticks and stones,’" Daniel explained. "You disproved that one. The words you said to Petr wound up hurting me a lot."

"Jesus, Danny," Jack whispered. There was an uncomfortable silence between them. "What’s the other one?" Jack asked, finally.

"’You always hurt the one you love.’" Jack raised remorseful eyes to his. "It’s an old song, actually," Daniel added.

"I know," Jack said somberly, "’the one you shouldn’t hurt at all.’" He shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. "If I could do it all over, Danny, I’d do it the other way around, I swear."

"You mean, disprove the song?" Daniel questioned. Jack nodded. Daniel reached out and touched his hand. "Don’t worry about it any more, Jack. It’s in the past." Jack looked at him with gratitude. Daniel drained his wine glass, and stood up. "Want another beer?"

"Haven’t drunk this one yet," Jack said.

"Well, drink it before it gets warm," Daniel told him. "I’ll be back in a minute."

~~

Jack sat back and drank his beer, barely conscious that he did so. He was pretty sure that the worst danger was past, but things were far from resolved between them. He thought they were still friends, he hoped so with all his heart. Daniel told him not to worry about what was in the past, but what did the future hold?

~~

Daniel stood in the kitchen, staring sightlessly around the room. Jack loved him. Jack was afraid of loving him. Jack had pushed him away because he got too close. Jack wanted his friendship. What if he got too close again? What the hell was he supposed to do now, knowing what he now knew? He felt tears beginning to form.

~~

Daniel returned from the kitchen with a full glass of wine, and a new bottle of beer for Jack. He sat down on the couch heavily. "We’ve got a lot to talk about," he said, fighting down a sense of panic.

"What’s wrong?" Jack worried, placing his hand on Daniel’s shoulder.

Daniel turned frightened eyes to Jack. "I couldn’t bear it if you pushed me away again," he said tightly. "How do I keep from getting too close?"

"Danny," Jack soothed, "I pushed you away so I could hide how I felt. This time, you already know. No pushing away, uh-uh. No reason to."

"So, you’re saying, I can get as close as I want?" Daniel pressed.

"Sure," Jack promised quietly. "I’d like that."

Daniel was quiet for a minute or two. Jack’s hand continued to rest warmly on his shoulder. "You said there were lots of reasons you shouldn’t have these feelings for me." He stared into his friend’s concerned brown eyes.

"Things may have changed," Jack said cautiously.

"Oh."

"Yeah. You shouldn’t give that another thought. Seriously."

"Oh." Daniel was silent again. He sipped from his wine, then set it down, and turned to face Jack. "What if I had feelings, too?"

Jack’s heart thudded. He was in danger of losing himself in Daniel’s bright blue eyes. "That would make me very happy," he whispered.

"I think I might like doing that," Daniel said softly. "Maybe."

"What, making me happy?" Jack asked, eyes shining with hope.

"Maybe." Daniel swallowed some more wine. "I need to take things slow, Jack. Really slow."

"You’d be totally in charge of the timetable, Danny. I can do slow." Both men flushed, as they simultaneously realized the double entendre of those words. "Crap!" Jack apologized, "I didn’t mean to…"

"Bring up sex?" Daniel said, blushing harder.

"Say anything that would upset you," Jack corrected him.

"Sex doesn’t upset me, Jack," Daniel said firmly. "I like sex!"

"Oh! That’s-that’s good to know. For the future, I mean." Jack spluttered.

Daniel smiled secretively. He was in control, and he felt good. Strong.

"Maybe."

 

THE END

 

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words can never hurt me

******

You always hurt the one you love 
The one you shouldn’t hurt at all 
You always take the sweetest rose 
And crush it ‘til the petals fall 
You always break the kindest heart 
With a hasty word you can’t recall 
So if I broke your heart last night 
It’s because I love you most of all

Words & Music by Allan Roberts & Doris Fisher

1944

 

Comments

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

Nice, promising ending; enjoyed seeing them work through to a hopeful place.

[sid]

Thank you! When I was writing this, I had a hard time picturing how it would end. I'm usually the "and they lived happily ever after" girl. This was the closest I could get after Jack was such a bad boy. *shakes head fondly*

[delphia2000.livejournal.com]

Nice Sid! Had to wait til it was all here to read it. I so miss Janet and George. Alpha Danny is perfect...I'm glad he just didn't roll over and get all mushy for Jack.

[sid]

Thanks, Delph! Yeah, Carolyn and Hank aren't quite the same as Janet and George. *sighs*

Daniel stook to his guns all right! Jack is going to be toeing that line for the forseeable future. *nods emphatically* Serves him right, too!

[dianehc.livejournal.com]

What a perfect wrap up. This is great.

[sid]

I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks!!

[msbeata.livejournal.com]

That was a nice ending. Not quite patched up but well on the way to recovery.

[sid]

As long as Jack keeps toeing the line, I think Daniel will open his heart eventually.

Maybe.

*g*