COMMENTFIC O' DOOM

[sid]

(except it's too long to be a comment!fic, but every word is precious and must be preserved, so there!)

Well, I did my best to squeeze in a little bit of every remaining prompt (except the amnesia one, because someday that's going to be a whole big grown-up story - I hope, and I'll have to put in a dedication to melayneseahawk when that day comes.)

Here's a link to the prompt that started the madness: read and weep

And here is the madness:

COMMENTFIC O’DOOM

Jack had suggested Australia for their “original SG-1” get-away because, well, because it was the Land of Oz. And what could be better than escaping from a Colorado March blizzard to gorgeous autumn weather Down Under?

Everything had been going just great until Daniel failed to appear outside the hotel in Sydney at the appointed time this morning, and they hadn’t been able to find a trace of him.

So Jack was very lonely in his swan paddleboat.

Teal’c and Carter were having a fine time, however. When Jack had first mentioned Australia, Carter mentioned that she had fallen in love with the country while reading Harlequin Romances as a teenager. Teal’c had wanted to know more about the books; Carter had loaned him a few; voila, one addicted Jaffa.

So now the two of them were happily paddling a white swan around Darling Harbour while Carter read aloud and Teal’c drank in the purple prose, and Jack, as mentioned, was all alone and feeling blue.

When from out of the blue… Ba’al appeared! Ba’al, sans minions, paddling a swan furiously and headed straight for Jack!

Just when Jack thought the universe was Ba’al-less, the universe proved him wrong. He hung a hard left.

Ba’al’s swan just missed Jack’s as Ba’al hurled invective with slightly better aim.

Jack swung his swan in a wide circle and charged, pedaling as hard as he could. He rammed the side of Ba’al’s swan, breaking off his rudder in the process and nearly falling overboard. He shouted for backup, scrambling to regain his seat. “Carter! Teal’c!”

But Carter had just reached a particularly passionate place in the Harlequin romance, where the palpitating young heroine was being crushed to the manly bosom of the handsome, wealthy widower who owned the Outback property where she had found employment as a bookkeeper when her car had broken down while on holiday from England with two other girls. Teal’c and Carter, lost in the story, were unaware of Jack’s ferocious swan battle.

Ba’al had turned and was closing in on Jack’s boat again, taunting him. Jack tried to paddle away, but without a rudder he could only go in circles.

And then, before Ba’al could launch his next attack, Daniel appeared, in another swan boat!

Ba’al stopped paddling, stunned!

"MINE, you intergalactic bastard!" Daniel shouted, inserting his swan between Ba’al’s and Jack’s.

“I’ll take you both out!” Ba’al shouted, his evil face twisting evilly.

But before Ba’al could make good his threat, a ship uncloaked overhead!

And Ba’al disappeared, swan and all, into a set of transporter rings.

Daniel stood and waved at the pilot of the ship. The pilot waved back, smiling and nodding and winking.

Smiling and nodding and winking at Daniel, and Jack might as well have been chopped liver, and… “Hey! Is that who I think it is?”

The ship flew off, and Daniel pushed up his glasses before sitting back down. “Um, yeah, that was Aris Boch. Funny story….”

“Where’ve you been, Daniel?”

“Oh, with….”

“Aris Boch?”

“Aris Boch.”

Jack stood up and reached for the neck of Daniel’s swan. “Doin’ what?” He jumped into Daniel’s boat.

“Oh, just, just a little misunderstanding, you know, from the last time we all met. He, er, thought I’d be happier to see him. He kind of got the wrong impression….”

“Wonder how that happened.” Jack settled down on the seat next to Daniel.

Daniel blushed. “Well, he did sort of mention, um, my eyelashes.”

“You flirted with him, Daniel. Don’t even try to deny it.”

“I’m not going to deny it! You’d been flirting with Janet for weeks, and I was getting even!”

Jack stared. “Me, flirting with the Doc? Where’d you get that idea?”

“Oh, come on, Jack! I saw the way you’d smile at her right before you dropped your trousers and bent over.”

“Oh, for cryin’ out loud! That was before you and I got together! The only action my prostate ever saw was when the Doc snapped on her gloves!”

“Oh!” Daniel said, and promptly felt ashamed of himself for misjudging Jack.

“Anyway,” Jack said, changing the subject permanently, “glad you’re here.”

Daniel snuggled up, smiling. “Me, too.” He yawned. “Rescuing you’s worn me out.”

Jack put an arm around him. “Who knew a swan battle could be so exhausting?”

“Maybe we could not paddle and just float for a little while?”

“Glide, Daniel. Swans glide."

And Generals and archaeologists snore.

And sounds carry over the water. Teal’c drew his attention away from Sam’s reading long enough to pick up a rope from the floor of their paddleboat and cast a noose around the neck of Jack and Daniel’s swan, taking them in tow. Then he took his seat and resumed paddling and enjoying how the sunlight gilded Sam’s lashes as she read.

So none of them happened to be looking when another swan paddled very slowly past them, going in the opposite direction, or they would have seen John Sheppard and Rodney McKay necking languidly in the bright sunlight that shone down on Darling Harbour on this lovely, lovely day. 


AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER (EXCEPT BA'AL, WHO GOT SOLD TO THE FREE JAFFA AND WASN'T HAPPY AT ALL, OR ALIVE FOR VERY LONG, EITHER)

Comments

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*dies*

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*G*