sid | "Thinky Thoughts" about writing (Reply)

Suggested by

kres

Take the first line from one of your stories, the line you are fond of, and then analyze it.

I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but I'll play! This is the first line from my story Once Bitten, which kicked off the First and Foremost series:

It wasn't that Daniel didn't like Colonel O'Neill

1. So, Daniel DOES like Colonel O'Neill. Not much analysis required there.

2. There is a "but" coming. That is implicit in a statement of this nature. But, he shouldn't? But, it has to stop? But what? 'But he wanted more' doesn't fit with the implications of the way the sentence is constructed, so that particular fanon cliche probably isn't what this story is going to be about.

3. 'Colonel O'Neill'. Formal nomenclature indicates barriers, distancing. An early point in their relationship? Daniel may call him Jack to his face, but he's very aware of all that separates them. There is no ease and intimacy here.

4. There is some sort of problem, from Daniel's POV at least, between the two men. Is Jack simply being annoying? Is it bad breath? Or, is it something darker? *cue somber organ music*

5. Why this line, and not some other, to kickstart the story? Because Daniel's genuine liking for Jack is a major part of the problem, and will be a major factor in any attempt to confront and solve it.

Summary: I think the line is an attention grabber. It's saying something positive in a negative manner, and that's a clue to trouble ahead. What's up here? Do I smell angst?

here is a link to the story