"Someday", J/D, rated R, non-con
Mar. 6th, 2006 09:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sidWarning: contains a non-graphic rape scene.
SOMEDAY
Teal’c stood at the front of the cell, staring out between the bars, watching the corridor. His face was expressionless, but anger burned in his eyes.
Daniel’s glasses were knocked askew, as a sweeping backhanded blow struck the side of his mouth.
Jack sat on the floor at the back of the cell, his hands draped over his upraised knees, almost appearing relaxed. He gazed at the floor unseeingly.
Cruel hands grasped Daniel’s arms, pulling at him. His glasses fell and skittered away across the polished floor.
Sam paced back and forth in the confined space, darting anxious glances between her CO and the stubbornly deserted corridor. There was no way out of the cell. They had no weapons. They could do nothing but wait, and hope that Daniel could make their captors see reason.
Daniel cried out in protest and horror, struggling as hard as he could. A hand twisted in the back of his shirt collar, choking him.
Jack leaned his head back against the wall wearily, shutting his eyes. He hated being powerless like this, when one of his people might need him. Especially when it was Daniel. He tended to overprotect him. He knew that. He and Daniel had discussed it more than once. Nine times out of ten, Daniel could take care of himself. He was probably negotiating for their release right now. It hadn’t been that long since they were separated. Worrying accomplished nothing. His hands slowly clenched into fists.
He kept right on worrying.
When his vision started to gray, Daniel stopped struggling. As the oxygen flow to his brain was restored, the subtle colors of the ornately patterned floor became clear again. He studied the swirls, tracing a path with his myopic eyes. It was beautiful, really.
Everything else, he tried to block out.
~~~~
"DanielJackson!"
Jack’s eyes jerked open when he heard Teal’c exclaim. Sam was flying to Teal’c’s side, pressing her face against the bars anxiously. Jack rose to his feet stiffly, and moved to join them. Six guards, with Daniel in the middle of them. He was walking under his own power, at least. That was good. But Jack couldn’t get a decent look at him. One of the guards was in the way.
At the other end of the bars, Sam had a better line of sight. "Daniel?" She watched in alarm as Daniel stumbled sideways at the sound of her voice, bumping into one of the guards. The guard, with almost gentle movements, pushed Daniel up against the wall and held him there for a moment before releasing him.
Jack could see Daniel’s bruised face now. It was extremely pale, and Daniel was staring at the floor as though mesmerized. Not looking at his friends. Not speaking. A cold hand reached inside Jack’s chest, and squeezed.
Two of the guards came to the cell door, and one began to unlock it. "You’re being released," he told Jack.
"Glad to hear it," Jack said, his eyes drawn back to Daniel, wondering.
"You are to leave this planet immediately. We will conduct you to the Gateway, and make certain of your departure. By the Monarch’s command."
As the cell door opened, Teal’c made a point of being the first one to exit. He pushed his way past the guards, and took up a position next to Daniel. The look on his face promised death to anyone who touched his companion.
Sam shot a look at Jack, and stepped over to her teammate. "Daniel," she said quietly, "I need to assess your condition. Look at me, please." Daniel’s eyes rose slowly, but only to about the level of her throat, before dropping once more. "I need to see your eyes, Daniel," she prodded gently.
He could do this. It wasn’t that hard. Daniel met Sam’s concerned gaze. She smiled gently, and Daniel’s lips parted soundlessly. He felt the wall behind him and pressed his body back into it. She spoke, and Daniel felt his legs start to shake. What was wrong with him? This was Sam, and he knew she was only trying to help. But when she extended her hand to touch him, Daniel gasped, and leaned away.
Sam lowered her hand, shocked. Daniel’s eyes were fixed on the floor again, and his breathing was rapid. "It’s okay, Daniel. Let’s just go home." She turned to her CO with a meaningful look. "Sir, Daniel obviously can walk, and I think everything else is going to have to wait."
"Right," Jack said. He stepped close enough to Daniel that their shoulders nearly brushed, then backed off a bit. Addressing the head guard, he asked, "Our belongings?" Beside him, Daniel shuffled a little closer.
"Already being taken to the Gateway. They will be awaiting you there." The guard narrowed his eyes at Daniel, whose breathing had grown calmer.. "We must go."
"Let’s move out," Jack said harshly. "Daniel, you’re with me."
Daniel pushed away from the wall, and walked beside Jack, watching the other man’s feet, matching his strides. Left, right, left, right. Stay close. The floor here was plain and dull, the color of wet sand. Don’t think. Stay with Jack. Left, right. He felt Teal’c’s solid presence at his right elbow. Good, good. Going home. Left, right. Sunlight. Grass.
Daniel stumbled at the sudden change in footing, and Jack gripped his arm for a second, causing Daniel to freeze in his tracks. "It’s okay, just keep going," Jack said quietly, releasing him. Daniel stood a little straighter, and resumed walking, again matching Jack stride for stride. The head guard looked over his shoulder at the two of them, and Jack stared at him with all the hatred he could muster. The guard’s head jerked back to the front, and his shoulders stiffened. Jack felt a grim satisfaction.
When they arrived at the DHD, their packs were there waiting. An unidentified sack proved to contain their weapons. "Carter, Teal’c, run a check." The head guard opened his mouth to speak, and Jack continued, "I don’t want any surprises." The guard snapped his mouth shut, and contented himself with glaring at Jack.
Daniel watched how the grass rippled in the breeze, and how the color faded away at the point where the edge of the DHD’s shadow fell. Late spring, or early summer green. Blades long enough to curl over and rest their tips on the toe of Jack‘s boot..
"All correct, sir," Sam reported.
"Hand me my pack," Jack said. Holding it by the strap, he asked her, "You and Teal’c can manage the rest?"
Sam’s eyes darted to Daniel’s bowed head. "Yes, sir, we’ll manage."
"Good. Dial us home."
As she began dialing, a stir ran through the contingent of guards. Jack stiffened, and turned.
The Monarch was approaching, complete with entourage. The guards bowed as he came nearer. Daniel saw their shadows change shape. The head guard said, "Majesty," and Daniel began to shake.
"Hold on!" Jack whispered to him urgently, before placing himself between the Monarch and Daniel. Behind him, he heard the Stargate activate.
The Monarch surveyed Jack with utter disdain, and turned his gaze to Daniel’s back. "Yours, I believe," he said silkily, extending his hand.
Unwillingly, Daniel turned sideways, and slowly raised his eyes. His eyeglasses were resting on the Monarch’s palm, glinting in the sunlight. Did this maniac imagine that he would come even an inch closer, Daniel wondered in stunned disbelief. Unable to stop himself, his gaze climbed higher, and he met the other man’s contemptuous, knowing eyes. Unwelcome memories flooded through him, pounded at him. He was powerless to look away.
Jack stepped forward, snatching the glasses up, and shoving them into one of his pockets. He dismissed the Monarch with a look of bitter loathing, and turned away. Seeing Daniel still frozen in place, he grabbed his arm and faced him forcibly towards the ‘Gate. "Carter?" he snarled. Teal’c, on guard at her side, stared with blazing eyes over Jack’s shoulder.
Sam didn’t look up from her GDO. "IDC sent, sir. Waiting for confirmation." Jack started pulling an unresisting Daniel towards the ‘Gate. "We’re good to go, sir."
"Grab everything, and close ranks," Jack ordered, keeping one eye on the guards.
~~
The ramp had so many lines. Daniel felt dizzy as his eyes tried to take in the pattern. The thin rectangles, and the long straight line formed by their edges that stretched all the way to the foot of the ramp. Jack was moving much too fast.
General Hammond was waiting for them. "Colonel?" he questioned
"Sir," Jack said, and then felt Daniel pulling back against his grip. Jack stopped, and turned to his friend anxiously. But Daniel, eyes down, resumed walking, very slowly, and Jack released his arm. "General, with your permission, Daniel and I need to get to the infirmary. Carter can fill you in."
Momentarily speechless, Hammond stared at Jack, and then at Daniel. "Are you all right, son?" he couldn’t help asking.
Daniel had been staring to the left of the General’s legs, at the black and yellow warning on the floor. His eyes were slowly following the shape of the letters, upside down and yet so familiar. This was home. "We should…" He raised his eyes to Hammond’s concerned face. "We need to lock them out of the dialing computer."
More than a little relieved at finally hearing Daniel speak, Jack nonetheless had to ask, pointedly, "Are you sure, Daniel? We can do that later."
Daniel couldn’t look at him. He lowered his eyes to the welcoming floor again. "Now," he managed to say. Jack knew. It was far too risky to go back. And for what? Justice? Revenge? It was over. Daniel began to walk towards the doorway.
"Go, Colonel," Hammond said, before turning to call instructions up to the sergeant on duty.
"Carter," Jack said, jerking his head towards Hammond, as he followed Daniel towards the door.
"Yes, sir," she replied. When Hammond turned back towards her, she said, "Your office, sir?"
~~~~
The corridor floor was a dull institutional gray whose monotony was barely relieved by the long painted stripes down its center. Daniel’s feet automatically followed the color that led towards the infirmary. Jack walked closely beside him.
Jack saw the looks from passersby in the corridor. His mouth set into an even grimmer line. He was startled when Daniel spoke to him. "Jack? You have my glasses?"
"Yeah, you need them?" Jack started to reach into his pocket.
"No!" Daniel said, repulsed. "Th-they need to be washed."
Jack’s mouth twisted in a painful grimace. Struggling to sound calm, he responded, "Yeah, I put a big smudgy thumbprint on them. I’ll take care of it." The back of Daniel’s hand brushed against his, and he took it as a thank-you.
~~~~
"We were picked up almost as soon as we came through the Stargate, sir," Sam told the General. "The guards took us to the king’s palace, and into the throne room." She looked at Teal’c, and said uncomfortably, "Daniel was trying all the time to tell them that we were peaceful explorers, and that we would be happy to just leave if that was what they wanted…"
"They obviously weren’t listening," Hammond said. "What happened in the throne room?"
"The Monarch came to inspect us. He, too, had no interest in what DanielJackson was trying to say," Teal’c said, with bitterness evident in his voice. "But then he took him away."
"Yes, sir. The Monarch instructed his guards to take us to a cell, and to bring Daniel to him. We…we weren’t separated for even half an hour."
"Somewhat less than that," Teal’c agreed.
"And then the guards came, with Daniel, and they told us we were being released." Sam broke off, uncertain what to say next.
Hammond narrowed his eyes. "Dr. Jackson somehow convinced this Monarch to let you go?"
"I do not believe that to be the case," Teal’c said harshly.
"Daniel had obviously been struck in the face, and he was very pale. And quiet." Sam looked at Teal’c for help..
"Far too quiet. I have seen men behave in such a manner in the past," Teal’c said.
"What do you think happened?" Hammond asked, his mouth set in a grim line.
Sam and Teal’c looked at each other. Hammond’s heart sank.
~~~~
Before turning Daniel over to Dr. Fraiser, Jack told her that Daniel needed to be examined in a private room. He tried to follow them in, but Janet simply tilted her head and gave him a stare. Backing down reluctantly, he told Daniel, "I’ll take care of your glasses for you."
The floor of the infirmary was gray, and blank, and quiet. Daniel didn’t look up. "Thanks," he said. Jack understood. And then he was alone with Janet, and one of her nurses, and he submitted to all the indignities that were necessary. And he tried to remember what he felt like yesterday, and he wondered what he would feel like tomorrow.
He was home; they were all home, and safe. Things had been moving very quickly, too quickly for a while there, but now he had time to think. Not about what had just happened; that was too raw. But about what he was going to do next, how he was going to respond to this. Focus on the future.
And then the examination and initial treatment were over, and there was just Janet and her concern for him, and she made him feel warm, although a ball of ice was lodged in his abdomen. It was easier to talk if he didn’t look at her, and the quiet floor was soothing, but he was able to meet her eyes for several seconds at a time when she was the one talking. As he watched her now, she was in mid-flow, talking earnestly about counseling, and monitoring for disease, and the support of friends.
"Janet," Daniel interrupted her.
"Yes, Daniel?" she asked, sympathy in her eyes.
"This may shock you, but I have every intention of co-operating fully and completely with you." He glanced up at her, and back at the floor. "I have every intention of getting my life back, and that means going through the ‘Gate, and doing my job, and you’re the first obstacle that’s going to stand in my way if I don’t do everything you say, and satisfy you that I’m fit for off-world duty."
Janet’s jaw dropped as she listened to Daniel‘s rapid speech. She closed it with a snap. "Yes, that’s true, I’m the first person that you have to satisfy."
"But not the only one. I understand," Daniel said. "Who do you need to tell?"
Janet frowned. "Daniel, without your express permission, I’m not going to be telling anybody anything. Medical information is confidential."
"This is more than just medical information, though, isn’t it?" Daniel’s eyes swept across the floor restlessly. "Who?"
"If you allow me to? Colonel O’Neill at the minimum. And General Hammond. For a lot of reasons, they should both be aware of what you’re dealing with."
"Jack already knows," Daniel said quietly.
"You told him?" Janet asked, surprised.
"He just knows. I can tell." Daniel twisted his head, and studied the shadows in the corner of the room.
"General Hammond?"
"Tell him," Daniel said, as firmly as he could. He looked Janet square in the face. "I’m not going to let this become my dirty little secret. I was injured in the line of duty," he gulped, hesitated, and continued, "and I’m not going to try to hide it. People are going to find out; people who have no business knowing. I know there’ll be gossip. A lot of SFs saw me come through the ‘Gate, and…" He stopped.
"Daniel, you’re right, and I think you have the right attitude. You did nothing wrong."
"I was doing my job. Or trying to. I’ve got nothing to be ashamed about." Daniel’s hands twisted in his lap as he spoke. He made a conscious effort to still them. "So, tell me what happens next. What do I need to do?"
"All right," Janet said gently. "You’re going to be on medical stand down, and under observation. We’ll set up a schedule of regular check-ins. You’ll need to start counseling sessions. Your therapist, or I will be able to help you with any sleeping problems or changes in appetite. I’ll brief Colonel O’Neill and General Hammond on your condition, and start making the arrangements for counseling. And I’m going to need you to take any and all prescribed medications as instructed. We‘re still waiting for the lab results on your blood work," she reminded him.
Daniel looked at her serious face, and then closed his eyes. "Yes, boss." He heard the rustle of her white coat, and felt her hand press his shoulder.
~~~~
As Janet sat in General Hammond’s office, delivering her report on Daniel’s condition to his commanding officers, she was aware that their faces never changed. Daniel had been right about Colonel O‘Neill knowing. They both knew. "Physically, Doctor Jackson will be fully recovered very shortly, barring infection. Mentally, emotionally, psychologically…."
"What’s your assessment, Doctor?" Hammond asked.
"Daniel is completely committed to resuming his role on SG-1, sir. He has promised to get the help he needs, and follow doctor’s orders to the letter."
Jack shook his head. "Now see, that bothers me more than almost anything else. Does that sound like Daniel to anybody?"
"Colonel," Janet said in her most reassuring voice, "this is an excellent sign. Trust me. The very fact that it doesn’t sound like Daniel is a good thing, in this context. He has a goal, he sees the roadblocks, and he’s committed to getting past them. And he knows that he has to listen to his doctors in order to be able to do that. Of course, there has to be fallout from this experience; there’s no way to just walk away from something like this without suffering trauma. But he is thinking remarkably clearly, and that’s a good start. It’ll be a long road, but I’m very hopeful."
"Any timeframe?" Hammond asked, clearly expecting a negative answer..
Janet blinked as Jack’s searching gaze locked onto her. "Too soon to say, sir. Ask me in a couple of weeks."
Jack sighed. "When can he be debriefed?"
"Actually," Janet told him, "he asked for a pad and pen. He’s writing a preliminary report for you right now."
.Jack tilted his head and looked at her sideways. "Then he could probably use his glasses."
~~~~
"You can go in, Colonel. Don’t stay too long."
"Yes, ma’am," Jack said meekly. He crossed over to the door to Daniel’s room, and tapped before turning the knob, and poking his head inside.
Daniel looked at him for a few seconds before turning his frowning attention back to the report he was writing. "You can come in."
Jack walked over to the bed, and sat down in the chair next to it. "Got your glasses," he said gruffly. "Good as new."
A look of pleasure crossed Daniel’s face. He took his glasses from Jack, and put them on. Blinking, he moved his head and the pad of paper back and forth until he got it into focus. "Now I can find out if I actually wrote what I thought I was writing," he said dryly.
Jack’s eyebrows rose. "That a joke?" he asked.
"Only partly," Daniel answered, darting a sideways glance at his friend.
Jack leaned to the side and lowered his head until it entered Daniel’s line of vision. Daniel’s lips twitched, but he didn’t look up. Satisfied, Jack sat back in his chair and waited for Daniel to finish writing. Trying not to stare, he assessed Daniel’s condition, and found it much improved. His hair was still damp from a shower, and that alone had to be making him feel a lot better. He had more color in his face, his hands weren’t trembling, he was able to concentrate enough to write a report. And not just any report.
Jack found his own hands were trembling, and stuffed them into his pockets. Daniel was talking. He had even made a sort of joke, and he had almost sort of smiled. Jack swallowed, and blinked away sudden moisture.
Daniel put down his pen, and carefully tore the top sheet off the notepad. He folded it in half, and offered it to Jack without looking at him. "Don’t read it here," he said, with a catch in his throat.
"It could have waited," Jack said gently, folding the paper again, and putting it into his pocket.
"It wouldn’t have gotten any easier," was Daniel’s only comment.
"No. I suppose not." Jack hunted for words. "Fraiser say how long she was gonna keep you in here?"
"I’m hoping to go home a little later. There’s no real reason for me to stay here. As long as I check in with Janet regularly, she’s willing to let me go." Daniel sounded and looked pleased.
"That’s good news," Jack said, smiling.
Daniel nodded. Grimacing, he looked at Jack. "Do Sam and Teal’c know?"
Jack felt his face go blank. "Probably. Want me to talk to them?"
"Yeah. Tell them not to worry."
"Sure," Jack promised. "But it won’t stop them." Daniel shrugged, and lowered his head. There was a brief, awkward silence. "Well, if you need a lift…"
"I’ll probably have an airman do that," Daniel said carefully, his eyes tracing a swirling pattern onto the gray floor in front of the door. "I need some time alone. You don’t have to worry about me, either."
Jack got the message. He pushed back the chair and stood up. "Okay. But, you know, I’m just a phone call away."
"I know."
"Just sayin’." Jack crossed to the door. "Day or night."
Daniel’s eyes flickered upwards. "You still here?"
Jack snorted, shook his head, and left the room.
~~~~
Jack was stunned when he read Daniel’s report. Unknown visitors were not welcome on the planet, and the assault on Daniel would serve as a lesson to them all. They would never dare return. The account of the rape was factual and concise. It chilled Jack’s blood.
But the stunning part was what came next. Daniel had expounded on the subject of xenophobic societies. Examples from Earth history; other encounters through the Stargate. Possible causes and effects.
And he had talked about the culture. Clothing, architecture, artwork. Patterns and colors on the floor of the room where he was violated.
Through it all, Daniel Jackson had been doing his job. Jack wanted to kill. With his bare hands.
~~~~
It had taken no arm-twisting at all for Jack to get Teal’c down to the gym. But, once there, the big Jaffa refused to spar with him.. "That would be unwise, O’Neill" he had said. So, instead, Teal’c was holding the punching bag, and Jack was attacking it with all of his pent up rage.
He saw the Monarch’s smug, taunting face and he pounded the hell out of it. He saw Daniel’s white, shocked face with its livid bruise, and he panted in sobbing breaths as he threw wild punches at the bag.
Teal’c stood solid, absorbing Jack’s anger and pain. He would release his own rage in kel’no’reem. Years of experience had led him to the point where, sometimes at least, he could avoid the need to express his feelings physically. This, perhaps, would have not been one of those times, but witnessing O’Neill’s fury was cathartic. The sight of his face, the sound the gloves made as they impacted the bag, the smell of the other man’s sweat. All of those things kept Teal’c centered, focused on aiding his brother warrior in this time of despair.
Sweat dripped into Jack’s eyes, stinging. His shoulders were aching, his breath rasping in his throat as his lungs labored. He stood for a moment with his head bowed, both gloved hands resting on the bag.
"It is enough," Teal’c declared.
~~~~
On the morning of the second day, Sam was waiting for Jack when he got off the elevator. "Carter," he said warily.
"I was wondering if you had heard from Daniel, sir," she said.
"Nope." Jack resumed walking. Calm and confident, O’Neill.
"I know you said we should leave him alone, but I’m worried about him."
"I know. What’s your point?" He wished they weren’t having this conversation.
"Maybe he doesn’t want visitors, but that doesn’t mean that that’s the healthiest thing for him right now. I think that at the very least one of us should call him, make sure he’s all right."
"Carter," Jack sighed.
"I know, I know. You said that he needs his space…."
"He asked to be left alone. Specifically asked."
"Aren’t you worried about him, sir?"
Jack came to a halt. "No. Actually, I’m not." Sam blinked at him in shock. "Fraiser has him checking in regularly. And he would call me if he needed anything."
Sam shook her head, frowning. "I don’t feel right relying on that, sir. I still think…"
"Carter. Do you really think that now would be a good time to blatantly disregard Daniel’s express wishes? After what happened? When he says ‘no’ he needs us to respect that."
"I just…" Sam stopped herself. "Yes, sir, I hadn’t looked at it quite that way." She saw compassion in Jack’s eyes.
"Don’t worry about it," Jack said as he started to walk away. A few seconds later Sam was beside him again. "Yes?" he said, making an effort to hide his weariness and unreasonable irritation. It wasn’t her fault that she cared, after all.
"I still feel like I need to do something."
"Do what Teal’c’s doing," Jack suggested. "Or, not exactly what he’s doing."
"What’s he doing?" Sam asked.
"Sending Daniel emails full of jokes off the Internet." At the look on Sam’s face, Jack said, "I know."
Sam almost giggled. "Emails are a good idea, though. Non-intrusive. He doesn’t have to answer them if he doesn’t want to, and it’s not annoying like a ringing telephone."
"Hell, he doesn’t even have to read them. All he has to do is see them in his in-box, and he’ll get the message." They exchanged slight smiles.
"Thanks for the suggestion, sir."
"Hey, thank Teal’c. Can I go do some work now?"
"Are you going to email him?"
"Nope." Jack turned and walked away, saying over his shoulder, "He’ll call me when he’s ready."
~~~~
The first phone call came at 1:22 the next morning. Fumbling the phone to his ear, Jack mumbled, "I can be there in fifteen minutes."
"Just talk to me," Daniel pleaded.
So Jack talked, groggily at first, about things at work, and what he’d watched on TV that night, and a bizarre letter to the editor in the evening newspaper. And Daniel shut his eyes, and cradled the phone to his ear, and let Jack’s voice wash over him.
Jack asked no questions, and only occasionally paused for breath. The lack of response from the man on the other end of the phone didn’t bother him in the slightest. He was helping. And Daniel had reached out. The relief Jack felt was staggering. He talked until his throat was dry and aching. When he finally fell silent, he could just make out deep, regular breathing in his ear. He laid and listened to it until he drifted back to sleep.
~~~~
Daniel was going back to work the following Monday. There had been more late night phone calls, only a little bit less one-sided than the first one. But he had scheduled them, catching Jack before he was asleep. And he’d made one call to Jack at work, just to say hello, ostensibly. A little embarrassed, Daniel had ended that call quickly. But his call to Jack’s house on Sunday afternoon lasted for nearly an hour, and Daniel had done most of the talking.
When he hung up afterwards, Daniel’s palm was sweaty where it had gripped the phone, and his throat ached from the unaccustomed exercise. But he felt good. Accomplished. Nervous about the next morning, but eager to get his life back on track. Daily therapy sessions had been productive, he felt. Normally he would have hated the very idea, but he wanted progress, and he wanted it fast. So it was a concession that he had been willing to make; and it was paying off for him.
His therapist was soothing and competent, and he liked her. The carpet in her office was a soft dusty rose. He liked that, too.
He was in charge of his life, and he would set the pace for his recovery.
It would be good to see his friends in the morning.
He wiped his palms again.
~~~~
Daniel dove into his waiting stack of work with real joy. He had been wracked with anxiety from the moment he drove into the Complex, but this made it all worth while. He could forget about the awkward hellos in the hallway, and the even more awkward silences. He was back at his desk, doing what he loved to do. The morning flew by, even with constant interruptions from his teammates.
When Daniel looked up and saw Jack in his doorway for the third time, he glared. "Some of us have work to do, Jack."
Jack looked affronted. "I’m here to offer to pick you up something from the commissary."
"Oh," Daniel said, surprised. He looked at the clock. "I didn’t…" He pulled up the day’s menu on his PC and grimaced. "BLT, I guess. Fries? Ooh, chocolate cake."
"Got it," Jack smiled, and disappeared.
The following day it was Sam who brought his lunch, and the next day she and Teal’c sat in his office and ate with him. He enjoyed that more than he would have thought possible. Jack was in a meeting, or he would have been there, too.
On Thursday it was Jack again, and he sat with Daniel and ate, listening to Daniel talk with his mouth full about the translation he was engrossed in at the moment.
On Friday, when Jack appeared in his doorway, Daniel was ready. "Chicken salad sandwich, sugar snap peas and pecan pie."
"Sounds good," Jack said. "Let’s go."
"Go?" Daniel felt his palms begin to prickle with sweat.
"Carter and Teal’c are meeting us. C’mon."
Daniel licked his lips nervously. "Jack, no, I’m in the middle of something here." Jack just stared at him placidly. "Look, just bring me something back when you’re done eating, okay?" Jack didn’t move, didn’t blink. "If it’s too much trouble, don’t bother," Daniel said with the beginnings of anger stirring. "It’s not a big deal."
"Isn’t it?" Jack asked quietly.
Daniel swallowed, feeling hot all over, except for the ball of ice in his stomach. "It’s just lunch," he said weakly.
"Right."
"Right. And you know exactly what I’m doing, don’t you?" Daniel closed his eyes, and let his head sag.
"You’re joining your teammates for lunch?" Jack said coaxingly.
Daniel didn’t open his eyes. "Of course I am."
Jack felt a glow of accomplishment. He bounced once on the balls of his feet. "I’m hungry," he mentioned pointedly.
Daniel opened his eyes, stood up, gave Jack a dirty look, and marched out his office door. His eyes followed the line on the floor that led to the commissary. Jack’s booted feet at his side reassured him as he ventured out of his office and into the SGC community.
~~~~
On Monday and Tuesday, the rest of SG-1 was off-world. Both days, Daniel walked to the commissary, got his lunch, and brought it back to his office to eat. He felt exposed and naked as he walked through the hallways, but he didn’t hesitate, and he didn’t panic. So he chalked it up as a victory, and made a mental note to be sure to tell his therapist at their Wednesday night session. He was down to two sessions a week now, and feeling very satisfied with the way things were going.
On Wednesday he met Teal’c for lunch. Afterwards, as the two of them walked back towards Daniel’s office, they rounded a corner and Daniel bumped into two airmen.
"Whoa, hey, sorry Dr. Jackson!" "Excuse us. You okay there?"
Hands. Laughter. Body heat.
"S-sorry."
Daniel realized that he had his back pressed up against the wall, and that Teal’c was speaking to him urgently. "DanielJackson, are you unwell?" The airmen were gone.
"I’m okay." Daniel swallowed. "It got kind of weird there for a minute."
"Do you require any assistance?" Teal’c studied his friend’s pale face and dazed eyes. "Perhaps we should proceed to the infirmary. I am not convinced that you are indeed well."
"No, I’m…I’m…" Daniel pushed away from the wall. "Oh, God, I’m going to be sick." He dashed for the nearest men’s room.
When he came out fifteen minutes later, Teal’c was there waiting for him. "I’m not going to the infirmary."
"As you wish," Teal’c said with a bow.
"I wasn’t expecting it to be that easy," Daniel muttered as he began walking, a little shakily, towards his office. His legs didn’t quite feel like they belonged to him at the moment.
Teal’c smiled, but said nothing. Until they had reached the doorway to Daniel’s office, and then he issued an invitation. "Perhaps you would care to join me in kel’no’reem before you depart for the evening?"
Daniel stared at him for a few seconds, and then a broad smile crept across his face. "I’d really like that, Teal’c. Thank you."
"You are most welcome, DanielJackson. I look forward to your company." With another bow, Teal’c turned and walked away.
Daniel entered his office, and sat down behind his desk. Opening the top right hand drawer, he took out a roll of breath mints, and popped two into his mouth. Pressing the heels of his hands against his temples, he rubbed for a few moments. And then he threw himself into his work.
~~~~
Two more weeks went by. Daniel remained on-world, continuing his therapy sessions, and growing more at ease around the SGC. He ventured out into the world more, meeting Sam for lunch one Saturday, and taking Teal’c for a long drive on Sunday, and thoroughly enjoying himself on both occasions.
He met Jack for dinner on several occasions, at various restaurants. During one of those dinners, Jack asked, "Can I call you sometimes?"
Surprised, Daniel blinked at him. "What? Oh! Yes, of course!"
Jack nodded and pursed his lips. "You hadn’t even noticed."
"No," Daniel said, blushing, "I guess I hadn’t." Jack was smiling at him wryly, but looked more than a little put out. "I appreciate your giving me the time I‘ve needed," Daniel told him sincerely.
Jack blinked, and lowered his gaze. "It was nothing," he said, shrugging nonchalantly.
"Yeah. Well, we both know better than that." They exchanged a look.
What Jack saw in Daniel‘s eyes went a long way towards restoring his good humor. "After all the lectures you’ve given me about mother-henning and over-protecting? I wasn’t going to take any chances."
"You’ve been great. Seriously." Daniel still was feeling guilty. "I wish I’d realized that you were still holding back. I would have said something days ago."
Jack smiled crookedly. "So, I can go back now to being my usual obnoxious, pushy self?"
"Sure," Daniel beamed, relieved.
"Sweet!"
~~~~
Two nights later, Daniel called Jack.
"How’d things go?" It was one of Daniel’s therapy nights. Jack picked up the remote and turned off the TV, prepared to listen to whatever Daniel was prepared to share.
"Dr. Martin gave me a homework assignment."
Jack immediately heard something in Daniel’s voice. "Not the first time she’s done that," he prompted.
"Noooo. This one’s a little different."
"Okay." Jack waited.
"She wants me to, uh, get in touch with my sexuality. So to speak."
"As in?"
"Exactly."
"Ah. Don’t think I ever had a homework assignment quite like that one. Nope, I’m pretty sure I would remember that." Jack’s right leg started jiggling.
Daniel cleared his throat. "I’m really uncomfortable about this. You know what I mean?" His voice sounded high and tense. "I haven’t had any…interest. You know?"
"I understand," Jack said, wincing.
"This shouldn’t bother me this much. I mean, all I have to do is touch myself. But I’m supposed to enjoy it, and I don’t think that I can…" Daniel’s voice trailed off.
"Could you do it in the shower?" Jack asked tentatively. "I mean, you’re already touching yourself, washing and stuff." His leg jiggled faster. "Soapy? That could help, right?"
"That doesn’t sound too bad," Daniel said after a moment. "I mean, I don’t actually have to…achieve anything. That’s not the assignment. Just…"
"Play with yourself." Jack tried to make it sound light-hearted.
Pause. "Right." Daniel sounded a little happier about the whole thing.
"So, just kind of…linger when you wash."
"I can do that."
"And any ‘achieving’ would be a bonus."
Daniel snickered. "Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that?"
"Bon-us, Daniel. Get your mind out of the gutter, would ya?" Jack was grinning from ear to ear.
~~~~
One other thing had happened in Daniel‘s therapy session. He had realized that he had overlooked something that should have been obvious.
The next morning he sought Sam out. Finding her alone in her lab, he went up to her and said, sincerely, "I’m glad it wasn’t you."
Sam’s eyes widened, and then quickly filled with tears. "Daniel. Oh, God. I’ve felt so guilty! I’m sorry…"
Daniel shook his head. "Don’t. You’ve got nothing to feel guilty about. I’m glad."
Sam threw her arms around Daniel then, and hugged him until he could barely breathe. He listened to her sniffing and gulping in his ear, and hugged her back. With her warmth all around him, he felt more human than he had in ages.
~~~~
Jack’s phone rang at 2:00 the next morning. "Jack?"
"You okay?" Jack had assumed that the phone calls in the middle of the night were a thing of the past.
"I’m more than okay."
"Don’t tell me," Jack said, hearing the exuberance in his friend’s voice.
"I achieved!"
"I asked you not to tell me." Jack smiled up at the ceiling.
"Bastard," Daniel said fondly. "Out of all the people in the world, I choose you to share my news with, and what kind of response do I get?"
"My standard ‘it’s two a.m. you lunatic’ response?"
"Aren’t you in the least bit happy for me?"
"Hanging up now, Daniel."
"Night," Daniel said hurriedly.
Click.
Jack was still smiling as he drifted back to sleep.
~~~~
Daniel had an idea. Dr. Fraiser consulted with Dr. Martin. Daniel and Janet presented the plan to General Hammond. General Hammond summoned Colonel O’Neill to his office.
Jack walked into Hammond’s office, and found Daniel already seated there. "Hi, Jack."
"Hello. General. Something going on that I should know about?"
"Sit down, Colonel. Dr. Jackson and I have a plan that I am certain will meet with your approval."
"Oh, undoubtedly," Jack retorted, sinking into a chair. "Am I going to have any choice?"
Hammond smiled. "We feel that the time has come for Dr. Jackson to go off-world."
Jack sat straighter in his chair. "Okay," he said through tight lips. He could feel Daniel’s eyes on him. "What’s the plan?"
"Son?"
"Three days at the Alpha Site," Daniel said quickly. "It’s a secure location, familiar. It’s the perfect ‘first trip back through the gate’ destination."
Jack looked at Daniel’s eager face, and nodded slowly. "I won’t argue with the choice of site. Or with your readiness to make the trip."
"Thank you, Jack." Daniel laughed a little, flushing. "I know that wasn’t easy for you."
"But, three days? You don’t think that’s maybe pushing it a little?" Jack looked Hammond in the eye.
"Dr. Jackson and Dr. Fraiser came up with that number, Colonel. I’m satisfied that they gave it a lot of thought."
Jack looked at Daniel, who returned the look calmly. "Jack, if I get into any kind of trouble, get anxious, anything, all I have to do is come back. I’m sure I’m going to be fine, but if I’m not, it’s not a big deal."
"When?" Jack sighed.
"Tomorrow," Hammond answered. "A shipment of supplies and a few replacement personnel are being sent through, and Dr. Jackson can go with them."
Jack twitched in his chair. "Fine. Tomorrow. Okay." Daniel beamed.
The two friends left Hammond’s office together. "You’re sneaky, I’ll give you that," Jack grouched.
"I learned from the best," Daniel said.
"Don’t even try. You never needed lessons."
"You mad at me?"
Silence.
"Jack?"
"I’m thinking about it."
"Too mad to come over for dinner tonight?"
Jack stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to Daniel. "At your place?"
Daniel grinned. Jack’s face was positively radiant with surprise and pleasure. "Yes. I’m cooking. Italian."
Jack rocked on his heels, grinning back. "That’s my cue to stop at the liquor store and pick up some red wine, I suppose."
"We remember how this works," Daniel said softly.
"Oh, yeah. Some things you don’t forget."
~~
Jack rang Daniel’s doorbell with two bottles of Italian reds tucked in his arm. He could smell the garlic before Daniel even got the door all the way open. "Hey."
"Come in, Jack."
As Jack crossed Daniel’s threshold, he was acutely aware that this was the first time he had done so since the assault. And everything about Daniel, from body language to facial expression, said that he was equally aware that this was a momentous occasion.
When they sat down to dinner, Jack proposed a toast. "To milestones."
Daniel looked nervous and happy at the same time, as he had been doing since Jack arrived. "Milestones," he responded, and both men drank. And then they smiled at each other until Daniel ducked his head, and said, "Dig in."
Jack ate until he couldn’t eat any more. Daniel beamed. Afterwards, he made coffee, and they sat in the living room and talked. Daniel grew more and more relaxed as the evening wore on, and Jack could tell, and it made him glow inside.
"We should do something when I get back," Daniel said. "All of us."
"Team dinner?"
"Yeah. Don’t you think? Celebrate?" Daniel flashed a smile.
"Absolutely," Jack said, nodding. "Got someplace in mind?"
"No. No place in particular."
Noticing Daniel’s sudden apparent interest in the carpet, Jack made an intuitive leap. Daniel did have somewhere specific in mind, but wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up. "So, how about my place? I’ll fire up the grill, feed the whole gang."
Daniel licked his lips, and nodded. "Yeah, that sounds…." The look of complete understanding in Jack’s eyes stopped him. He stared back, momentarily taking on the characteristics of a deer in the headlights.
Jack took pity on him. "It’s a plan, then. I’ll make all the arrangements while you’re gone." He rose from his chair. "I should probably get going. You probably have stuff you need to get done before you go to bed. Big day tomorrow." He smiled crookedly as he started for the door.
"Oh! Wait, wait!" Daniel disappeared into the kitchen, and came back after a minute with a grocery bag. "You get the leftovers. Keep it upright, we didn’t finish the second bottle of wine."
"Thanks. Get a good night’s sleep, you hear?"
"I’ll try," Daniel laughed. "I’ll probably see you before we embark tomorrow?"
"I’ll be there," Jack promised.
Daniel opened the door. "Drive safe." He laid a hand briefly on Jack’s sleeve, and received a warm smile in return.
"Will do."
~~~~
Daniel sat on Jack’s couch, listening to the sounds the other man made as he finished cleaning up in the kitchen. The team dinner had been a resounding success. Daniel was still basking in the afterglow of his successful off-world trip, and the affection of his friends just made him feel even happier. And it felt so good, so right to be back at Jack’s house, where everything was so familiar, and loved. He looked at the rug that laid underneath the coffee table, and smiled. He had always liked that rug.
Food had been eaten, copiously. Drinks had been drunk. Jack had probably had a bit less than he typically would, and Sam maybe a bit more. Teal’c abstained as usual, and was driving Sam back to the base for the night. Daniel had drunk enough to be relaxed, but hadn’t needed it in order to relax. He was feeling very much at home. And he could tell that Jack was overjoyed to have him here. He sipped his brandy, and gazed at the dancing flames in the fireplace with a soft expression on his face..
Jack came into the room, and sank down next to Daniel. Close, but not quite touching. He kicked off his shoes, and put his feet up on the coffee table. "It went well," he said with satisfaction.
"Nothing burned," Daniel teased.
"Hey!" Jack tried to look affronted. Daniel raised his eyebrows. "Well, I admit it was a close call with the hot dogs."
Daniel snickered. They sat together quietly for a few minutes, watching the fire. Then Daniel drained his glass, and leaned forward to set it on the table. Before leaning back, he twisted around, picked up Jack’s arm, and placed it around his shoulders. Then he settled back carefully, and waited for Jack’s reaction.
He felt Jack’s tenseness, heard his open-mouthed intake of air. Slowly, Jack’s hand curved around his shoulder. "I wasn’t sure," Jack said. The tenseness was still there, in his body, in his voice.
"He didn’t put his arm around me," Daniel said matter-of-factly.
Jack’s arm tightened convulsively, then relaxed. He patted Daniel’s shoulder, as if in apology. "Okay." There was a silence, broken only by the crackling, popping sounds from the fireplace. Jack’s hand stroked Daniel’s upper arm. Daniel felt Jack shift, felt his breath, warm against the skin of his neck. "He didn’t kiss you?" Jack whispered.
"No," Daniel whispered back. He twisted his neck around, and leaned his head against Jack’s arm. Their eyes met. Jack’s were so serious. Daniel reached up to touch his face.
Very low. "May I?"
"Please."
Jack pulled Daniel closer, and Daniel put his arm around Jack’s neck. Their lips met. Daniel had never been kissed so tenderly, so carefully. His chest ached from the tenderness. It was very beautiful, and very wrong. Jack’s kisses were never demanding, but he was persuasive and passionate. Daniel appreciated Jack’s self-restraint, and felt very much loved. But this was not the kiss that he had been missing all this time.
He wanted the familiar. He wanted his life back. He wanted Jack to kiss him without fear.
But first he had to show Jack that he was unafraid.
Daniel slid his hand up through Jack’s hair, and felt the other man shiver. Jack’s grip tightened, and the pressure against his lips increased. Daniel made appropriate noises to indicate his pleasure, and moved his lips, opening them, touching Jack’s mouth with the tip of his tongue. He heard Jack moan, and felt an answering moistness lick at him tentatively.
"Yes," Daniel murmured against Jack’s lips. Jack’s right hand came up to cradle his face, thumb rubbing against the juncture of their two mouths. Daniel opened his mouth wide, and melted into Jack. A log popped loudly in the background, and Jack’s tongue darted into Daniel’s mouth. Now Daniel was the one to moan. This, this was what he had wanted tonight. He tasted Jack with delight.
Jack ended the kiss far too soon, and Daniel felt…something. Itchy, almost. He frowned. "That all you got?" he asked, relieved when his voice didn’t come out sounding too petulant. He settled back against Jack’s chest, glad for the opportunity to conceal his expression to some extent. He knew his cheeks were flushed.
"Don’t want to get myself too worked up," Jack mumbled into Daniel’s neck.
"Oh, right. Good plan," Daniel said after a moment. "Seeing as how I’m never having sex again. With anyone." His eyes were examining the parquet flooring in front of Jack’s fireplace. Smooth, and gleaming softly in the firelight. Delightful to look at. Warm and inviting. Much like Jack himself, really.
Jack tightened his arm around Daniel’s shoulder slightly. "As long as it isn’t just me," he said calmly.
Daniel felt a flash of irritation. Jack didn’t get it. He exhaled through his nose loudly. "I already wasn’t having sex with you, Jack. Now, I’m not going to have sex with anyone. Ever."
Jack’s left hand stroked Daniel’s shoulder soothingly. "You’ve got that a little mixed up," he told his friend.
Daniel slowly relaxed beneath Jack’s touch. He felt warm and safe. "I do?" he asked, mildly interested. He felt Jack’s lips press against his temple, and his lips curved slightly.
"Yeah, you do," Jack replied. "You already weren’t ever going to have sex with anyone else." He kissed the other man’s temple again.
"No?"
"No. Not while there’s breath in this old body."
Daniel’s smile grew a little wider. "Because I was waiting for you," he said, remembering past conversations on this very sofa.
"That’s right," Jack confirmed, and subtly corrected. "You’re waiting for me." He covered Daniel’s right hand with his own, and stroked his thumb along the knuckles. "Someday I’ll be free, and we’ll be together."
"That was the plan," Daniel said. He must be getting sleepy. He shouldn’t be feeling this relaxed. This was exactly the sort of conversation he had been dreading. But all he felt was a sense of peace that had been sorely lacking in recent months. It would be better to have this resolved. Their dream had died an ugly death, light years from here, in a room with an incredibly beautiful floor. Jack needed to let it go.
"Still is," Jack insisted softly. "It’s a great plan."
"It’s a beautiful plan," Daniel said sadly, "but it won’t work now." Jack deserved better. He deserved things that Daniel felt unable to give him. Things he had once yearned for himself, not so very long ago.
"We just need to make a change or two, and it’ll still work," Jack said firmly.
Daniel blinked drowsily. "Changes?" What could Jack have in mind? There was no way to change what had happened.
"Changes. Now I’ll be waiting for you, too. You’ll still be waiting for me to retire, and I’ll be waiting for you to be ready." Jack swallowed nervously, trying not to clutch at Daniel’s hand.
"You’ll wait for me?" Faint hope stirred in Daniel’s chest. Was it possible? After all, it was still early; he was still healing.
"It’s only fair, isn’t it? I asked you to wait, and you promised me you would. My turn to promise. I’ll wait as long as it takes, Danny."
"So, it’s still the same basic plan? Someday we’ll be together?" Daniel asked, wonderingly.
"Yep."
Daniel turned his hand over, and squeezed Jack’s. "Having sex?" He didn’t want to offer Jack anything less.
Jack hesitated. "Probably."
Daniel gave it several moment’s thought. "Possibly," he amended sleepily.
"I can live with that," Jack whispered.
Daniel yawned hugely, and rolled his head on Jack’s shoulder, settling himself more comfortably. "Someday."
"I can wait."
THE END
Fifteen years later: Future Perfect
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2006 05:07 am (UTC)*nods*
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2006 05:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Mar. 7th, 2006 05:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2006 05:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Mar. 7th, 2006 05:27 am (UTC)Oh, all right, as long as I at least get some lollipops to take out my oral fixation on.
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2006 08:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Mar. 7th, 2006 08:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Mar. 7th, 2006 08:25 pm (UTC)