"By Mutual Non-consent", John/Rodney, rated NC-17

[sid]

Everybody's doing it!  Here's my contribution to the Irrestible episode tag collection.

SGA, John/Rodney, spoilers for Irrestible, NC-17 or a strong R, 2770 words.  A tad dark, as the title indicates:

BY MUTUAL NON-CONSENT

By the time he reached his quarters, Rodney was resigned to the fact that he would have to burn the rest of the herb. On the other hand, no one had told him that he had to stop Sheppard from cleaning his room. And John wouldn't get mad later, would he? He'd see the joke. And he'd have to stop ragging everybody else. So, really, it was a win-win situation.

Well, maybe not so much for Sheppard. But he'd see the joke. Right?

Probably better to be safe than sorry. So Rodney would put a halt to the cleaning. Maybe not right away, though. He'd play it by ear.

He walked into his room, and as the door closed behind him, he noticed that John had put clean sheets on his bed. He knew that because the dirty sheets were piled on the floor. That was the second thing he noticed.

The first thing he noticed was that John Sheppard was in his bed. Naked. He knew that because the colonel's clothing was strewn over the pile of bedding.

Rodney froze in horror.

"I thought you'd never get here," Sheppard said eagerly. When Rodney didn't look at him, he added, "That was a joke. I had to move pretty fast, actually, because I didn't know how far behind me you would be." Rodney kept staring at the crumpled piles on the floor. "I'll clean everything up later, don't worry about it."

"Colonel," Rodney choked out.

"Do you think you could call me John? I'd really like that." Rodney raised his eyes, and Sheppard was smiling hopefully. 

Oh, this was bad; this was so, so bad. "Colonel, you have to leave. Now." Sheppard's face fell. "I-I'm sorry. What am I saying? You have got to go."

"Did I do something wrong?" Sheppard was biting his lip. "I just wanted to make you happy. Should-should I have cleaned first? I thought..."

"No, you didn't...look, this is just all wrong. You'll understand that later, you really will. But right now you just need to put on your clothes and-and go away. Please?"

"I'll do anything you want," Sheppard said sadly. "You know I will. Please don't send me away."

"I'm sorry," Rodney said helplessly. He stared at the man in his bed, thinking of how long he had dreamed of seeing him there. Just not like this. This was a nightmare. John would never forgive him.

Sheppard was watching him. "You don't really want me to leave," he said suddenly. He was smiling now, as he threw back the bedcovers and stood up. Rodney tried to look away, but couldn't. "I was right," John said happily, as he approached Rodney. "You need me."

Rodney gulped and backed away, one hand stretched out to stop Sheppard from getting too close. "Don't!" he said sharply. And then his hand was on John's bare chest, and his fingertips registered springy curls of hair, and warmth, and the cool metal of dogtags. And John kept coming.

“Let me be with you,” John said softly. “Let me give you what you want.” Rodney took another step backwards, and bumped into the wall. And John kept coming. Rodney’s hand slid up his chest, and he felt a sharp collarbone, and the pulse at the base of Sheppard’s neck beneath his thumb, and the tangled chain that was caught between his fingers. The adoring look in Sheppard’s eyes was hypnotic.

The pressure of John’s erection against his thigh snapped Rodney back to his senses. “No! Stop, you have to stop!” he moaned, pushing against the other man’s shoulder. John leaned his weight against Rodney, who brought up his other hand to push. But John caught his wrist, and somehow Rodney’s arm wound up around John’s waist When their lips met, Rodney’s other hand skidded off John’s shoulder, and somehow it was now clasping the back of his head.

Rodney felt himself sagging against the wall, felt his arms around Sheppard, felt his mouth falling open. Sheppard was kissing him, and it was what he had wanted for so long. He felt his body responding, but he couldn’t, he mustn’t give in to his desires. This was wrong; it was criminal. He jerked his head to the side, and Sheppard’s mouth dragged across his cheek. Moist air hit his ear as John groaned, “You taste so wonderful.”

“Stop,” Rodney pleaded. “This can‘t happen.” Sheppard’s tongue swept along his jawline, and Rodney’s knees shook.

“I love being with you like this. I’m nuts about you,” Sheppard whispered harshly. “Guess you can tell that, can’t you?” His hand slid between them, and cupped Rodney’s erection.

It was all over for Rodney at that point. His resistance was gone. In no time at all, he was on the bed, with his pants and underwear at his knees, and Sheppard was moving above him, driving their erections against each other with sure, rapid strokes. Rodney stared at his friend’s face, cringing inwardly at the joy and love that he saw in John’s eyes. He hated himself for being weak. John was going to hate him, too. He closed his eyes and let the physical sensations wash over him.

John was the first to come. Warmth spurted between their bellies, and John nuzzled Rodney’s neck, moaning his name. His hips kept moving, jerky now. Rodney gripped John’s shoulders, gave a gasping sob, and added his fluid to John’s. He held on tightly as his balls emptied themselves. He dimly felt the soft kisses that were being rained across his face.

When his eyes could see again, John was smiling down at him. “I’ll get a washcloth,” he said, and kissed Rodney’s slack mouth gently.

“No!” Rodney said loudly, grabbing his arm, stopping John from rising. “Get a washcloth? And then wash me, I suppose.” He pushed himself awkwardly to his feet and rearranged his clothing with shaking hands. A nervous glance at Sheppard found a confused, hurt expression on his face. “I’ll wash myself, thank you. I can’t let you do that.”

As Rodney moved into the bathroom, he heard Sheppard say, “I’d do anything for you. I don’t understand what the problem is.”

Rodney let his pants drop, and began to clean the sticky semen from his body. “I hate myself enough as it is.” He tapped on his earbud. “Carson?” He threw the washcloth into the hamper, and pulled up his trousers.

“Yes, Rodney?”

“I need you to bring the antidote to my quarters. Right away, please.”

There was a pause. “I’m on my way.”

Rodney walked back into the bedroom, heart pounding. Sheppard was staring at him, eyes wide. “Antidote?”

“I drank some of the herbal extract.” Rodney felt hot, and sick to his stomach. “That’s why you wanted to...clean my room.”

“I was the only one who could still be affected,” John said slowly.

“Yes. It was meant to be a sort of joke.” Rodney couldn’t meet his eyes. “I never should have done it. I’m more sorry than I can say.”

“It’s all right,” John said soothingly. “Don’t worry about it.”

Rodney stared. “It’s not all right. How can you say that? It’s the furthest thing that I can even imagine from being all right!”

“But it doesn’t matter, Rodney,” John said, as if stating the obvious.

Rodney shook his head, laughing bitterly. “It will once you’ve had the serum.”

“Then don’t give it to me.” They stared at each other, and John made a move to get up from the bed, but changed his mind when there was a knock at the door. He looked at Rodney pleadingly as he twitched the sheets back into place over himself.

Rodney tore his attention away from Sheppard, and opened the door. Carson stepped into the room, and came to a dead halt, staring at John in disbelief. Stunned eyes sought out Rodney’s. “My God, what the bloody hell have you done?”

“I didn’t plan this,” Rodney said, beginning to shake.

“But how could you let this happen? Have you lost your senses completely?”

“Don’t talk to Rodney that way!” Sheppard said, glaring at the doctor. “Nothing has happened that I didn’t want to have happen, so just knock that off right now.”

“Colonel,” Beckett said weakly, shaking his head.

“Just give him the serum, all right?” Rodney begged. Carson shot him a glance, and reached into his bag, pulling out a syringe.

“I don’t want it,” John said, shoving his arms underneath the covers. “Rodney? Please.”

“What I drank is going to wear off anyway,” Rodney said. “This will just make it happen sooner, and you won’t get sick.”

“I’m not worried about getting sick. We could still be together...” He watched warily as Carson approached with the needle.

“I’m asking you to do this,” Rodney said in a tight voice.

John slowly pulled his arm out from under the covers and held it out. “He doesn’t want me,” he told Carson sadly.

The doctor’s face twitched. “You’ll feel a pinch,” he said, swallowing hard.

As the needle sank in, John stared at Rodney reproachfully. His lip quivered, and he blinked back the moisture in his eyes. “I just wanted to be with you.”

“I have to get out of here,” Rodney told Carson, twisting his hands together. “I can’t be here when he comes back to his senses. You’ll make sure he gets back to his quarters?”

“Aye,” Carson said grimly. “It’s best that you go.”

Rodney gave a last look at John, but he had turned his head away. Face rigid, Rodney left the room

~~

“Colonel Sheppard? Do you know where you are?”

John looked around. “Rodney’s...” His startled eyes flew to Carson’s face. “Oh, God.”

“You remember everything, then,” Carson sighed.

John covered his face with his hands. “Everything,” he said, muffled.

Carson put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry for what’s happened.”

John raised a white face. “He had to leave, didn't he? He couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with me.”

“Rodney obviously regrets what happened. As he should. I think it’s bloody near unconscionable! How he could have let it go this far is beyond my ken.”

“He’ll never forgive me,” John said in a low voice. “Never.”

Carson stared in shock. “Are you daft? It’s not you that needs forgiving. He took advantage of you.”

“No! You’re wrong,” John said. “I was the one that wanted it.”

“Colonel, you were as good as drugged. You were incapable of giving any kind of informed consent.”

“You don’t understand. I forced myself on him! He kept saying no, he begged me to stop, but...oh, God, Carson. What have I done?”

~~

When Carson called Rodney to his office, he went unwillingly. He didn't need any lectures, and if he had a punch in the nose coming, it should come from Sheppard himself. What did they need to talk about, then?

When Carson had closed the door, and Rodney was seated, there was a silent moment. Rodney looked warily at Carson's face, and saw a gently knit brow and a perturbed expression. "Oh, my God, he's all right, isn't he?"

"Yes, yes, Rodney. Physically he's fine, and the serum has worked just as expected."

"Physically," Rodney said in a dead-sounding voice. "Yes. I know he must be a wreck otherwise." He looked at Carson beseechingly. "I never intended for anything like this to happen. You believe that, don't you?"

"Aye, I definitely do," Carson assured him. "After what Colonel Sheppard has told me, there's no doubt in my mind."

Rodney tried to absorb that bit of information. "He knows I didn't mean it?" A look of dawning hope died away. "It doesn't matter. He must hate me anyway."

"You need to talk to him, Rodney."

"Oh, not yet!" Rodney protested weakly. "I can write him an apology, maybe?"

Carson shook his head. "He's under the impression that he's responsible for what happened between the two of you."

"What?" Rodney blinked. "That's..."

"Did you tell him to stop? Did you say 'no', and did he overpower you?"

Rodney's mouth formed a shocked circle. "No! Well, yes, yes, but no!"

"That's very clear," Carson said, with the faintest hint of amusement.

"I did tell him to stop, of course I did. I mean, he was only doing it because of the herb, and I knew that even if he didn't. So, well, we couldn't. Obviously."

"He initiated physical contact?' At Rodney's nod, Carson continued, "You protested, and he paid no attention."

"Well..."

"He says he forced you."

Rodney shook his head. "He didn't, I swear he didn't." He looked away from Carson, flushing. "You might say he seduced me. I didn't put up much of a struggle."

Carson's voice was kind, but firm. "You need to..."

Rodney nodded his head. "I need to talk to him."

~~

Rodney stared at the outside of Sheppard's door, and wiped sweating palms down his trouser legs. Honesty. That was the only answer. A very crappy answer, if you asked him, but he fully deserved whatever happened next. He raised a hand and knocked firmly.

Sheppard opened the door. "McKay."

"May I come in?"

"Are you sure you want to?" Sheppard's mouth twisted.

Rodney raised his chin. "Yes?"

Rodney walked into the room, and heard the door close behind him. He looked around, and then turned. John was still standing by the door. He raised inquiring eyebrows, and John flushed. "Thought you might feel safer if I stayed over here."

"Actually, you would be blocking my exit if I were trying to make a run for it," Rodney pointed out.

"Well, you won't have to," Sheppard mumbled, moving past Rodney.

"I know that."

"I owe you an apology," John said, mouth working.

"No, actually, you really don't," Rodney said, grimacing. "It's entirely the other way around."

John shook his head. "I know you were just playing a joke on me when you drank the extract. I don't need an apology for that. I certainly don't deserve one."

"Colonel..."

"I didn't stop. You asked me to stop...repeatedly told me to stop, and I..." John ducked his head. "God, Rodney, what can I say?"

"I didn't put up very much of a struggle, did I?" Rodney said. John looked at him sharply. "I mean, I didn't shout, or scratch your face, or anything like that."

"You shouldn't have had to! You said 'no', and I should have stopped!"

Rodney licked his lips. "Yes, well, you wouldn't have even started if I hadn't used the herb."

"That's not the point!" John shouted. He ran his hands through his hair savagely. "Why aren't you hating me? Why are you trying to take the blame for what I did?"

Rodney swallowed. "Because you were just giving me what you thought I wanted." John stared at him with agonized eyes. "And you weren't wrong."

The room was still. John's face was blank. "What?"

"That's why you kept going, and that's why I stopped fighting." Rodney tilted his chin up, and looked John square in the eye. "I should have been stronger, and..." his eyes darted around nervously, "and I apologize to you for not stopping you."

"You apologize..." John broke off, closed his eyes, and shook himself. He looked back at Rodney. "Okay. Okay, maybe I didn't assault you..."

"You didn't. And it was the fault of the herb, anyway. All of it. My fault, I mean."

"I told you I didn't need an apology from you for taking the herb. Remember?"

"I'm apologizing because the pheromones made you do something...something you didn't want to do."

"Well, that's true," John said after a pause. "But I really didn't get very far with the cleaning."

"The cleaning?"

"Isn't that what you're talking about?" John asked innocently.

"Hardly!"

"I really didn't want to clean your room." John moved closer to Rodney, who was gaping at him like a fish. John smiled at him tentatively. "I was perfectly okay with the rest of it, though."

Rodney swayed on his feet, and John reached out quickly to grasp his arm. "Really?"

"Yeah." John shrugged and tilted his head to the side.

"Huh." Rodney's lips curved in something approaching a smile. "How long has this been going on?"

"A while," John said evasively.

"So, under other circumstances..."

"Herb-free circumstances?" John smirked. "I'm willing to give it a shot if you are."

"Totally consensual this time," Rodney hastened to add. "Eyes wide open?"

But Rodney's eyes soon slid shut, as their lips met and their arms wrapped around each other.

This would be the only time that counted.

THE END

Comments

[trika.livejournal.com]

Hee! Love it. They're just too cute for their own damn good.

[sid]

Thanks, dear! :-)

[scifigirl.livejournal.com]

Nice, I love how both thought they were in the wrong and that the other would never forgive. I liked it.

[sid]

Thank you! Fortunately they were only half right. If that. ;-)

[tipsywitch.livejournal.com]

So brilliantly done - nice twist!

Thanks you for sharing this.

[sid]

I'm very glad you enjoyed it! :-)

[amnellwyvern.livejournal.com]

Hee!!! I loved it!

[sid]

Thanks Nell! *smooches you*

[seleneheart]

That's really beautiful . . . the way they work at cross purposes, never realizing that they both wanted the same thing. And I really like that it's Carson who sorted them out. :)

[sid]

I think Carson was pretty relieved to find out that neither of them was quite as depraved as they appeared to be on the surface.

But not as relieved as John and Rodney were.
;-)

[wilde-girl.livejournal.com]

I love "cross-purposes" stories, too. And: Oh, god, how could I do it...he'll never forgive me...

The realization at the end could be drawn out a little bit more...make us wait for it.... ;)

Thanks for a great story.

[sid]

You're welcome! Glad you liked it.

I thought the boys had been tormented enough. ;-) And once John knew the truth from Rodney's POV, he was so relieved that it's a wonder he didn't immediately blurt out "Rodney, I think you're a sex god!", and fall into his arms. :-D

[tex.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed this a lot. Very well done.

[sid]

Thank you very much! The end of that episode inspired a lot of people, including me!

[lishel_fracrium.livejournal.com]

Oh God! I love this. *puts in memoires* thank you oh and I'd really love to see a sequel?

[sid]

*blushes* I'm glad you liked it so much!

I hadn't given any thought to a sequel - I'm not sure there's anything left for me to say. But I'll examine the possibilities.

:-)

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

Wow. That hurt. Well done.

[sid]

They were both bad boys, and need to be sent to their room. Either room, doesn't matter whose. ;-)

This could have been written without any happy ending, but not by me! LOL.

[wilde-girl.livejournal.com]

Love bad boys. Love happy endings, too.

[sid]

Gotta have the happy ending. I'm just a sap. :-)

[torakowalski.livejournal.com]

Oh, very nice. I liked the confusion and the way it all got sorted out!

[sid]

It's a good thing Carson was able to help out. Otherwise the boys would have been avoiding each other, and that wouldn't have worked out nearly as well!