'The Itchy & Scratchy Show' J/D, rated R
Jun. 7th, 2012 02:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sidThe muse (and insomnia) both struck last night. I went to the computer and wrote, and then before I finally fell asleep, I realized, hey, it would be much better in First Person! So that added about a hundred words of Jack POV when I revised it today, and increases the fun factor exponentially. :-D
(The title is a Simpson's reference, for those not familiar with the canon.)
The Itchy & Scratchy Show
I rap on Daniel's apartment door. Wait. Rap again.
The door finally opens and Daniel peers out. His hair's a little rumpled. He's probably been relaxing, sprawled on the couch with a book or three. "There is a doorbell, you know."
"Hello."
"Hello. Come in."
I walk in.
"What brings you by?"
I sniff. "I have an itch."
Daniel squints at me. "Which…you can't reach?"
"Oh, I can reach. I've been reaching. And yet, the itch persists."
Daniel's tongue peeks out of his mouth. Always a sweet sight, I gotta say. "And so you've brought it here, to me. And, ah, just to be clear…"
"I'm talking about my penis. Also, you scratch mine, et cetera." I rotate my hand in an outward spiral while enjoying the slack-jawed look on his face.
"You want me to scratch your penis."
I can't hold back a wince. "The itch, Daniel. The itch. No…gouging of the little colonel, s'il vous plait."
Daniel scrubs a hand energetically over the top of his scalp, ruffling his hair even more. "And yet…this is not the strangest conversation I have ever had with you."
Nice callback. I sidle over to Daniel and nudge him with a friendly elbow. "Hey, not even close; am I right?"
"When you're right…"
I move farther into the living room and plant myself on the couch, arms spread out across the back, legs set wide apart. "Nice place you've got here."
Daniel surveys me carefully, and the tongue reappears. "You picked it out."
I smirk. "No wonder I feel so at home."
"Oh! Oh, but there must be something…maybe something I could do to make you feel even more at home?" He's the picture of sweet, helpful innocence.
Brat. I lower a hand and press its heel against the bulge in my slacks. Just in case he hasn't noticed it yet. Although it is pretty big. "There is…if you really want to." I lift my foot and push Daniel's coffee table away.
Daniel comes closer. "Reciprocal?"
"Reciprocal. Assuming you have an itch. Assuming you're leading the same monk-like existence I am. And assuming that monks get itches, even if they presumably pray about 'em instead of doing anything about 'em."
Daniel leans on my knees as he sinks to his own. I approve of this in every possible way. "I actually wrote a paper once, on the sexual practices of monks in the fifty or so years before the Reformation."
"Sounds fascinating." So I'm a liar. What the hell, my pants were already on fire.
"Why me?" Daniel begins fiddling with the button at my waistband. "I mean, this can't be good for your career, right?"
I shake my head and catch my breath as the button pops open. "Wrong. You'll be surprised at how much better I perform my duties when I'm not…itchy."
"Bad for your career if you're caught, I mean. Obviously."
"Furthest thing from my mind at the moment. Believe it or not."
"This is dangerous, Jack."
"So don't use your teeth."
Daniel grins briefly as he lowers my zipper with precise, and much appreciated, care. "All right. So why me? Wouldn't someone like, oh, I don't know, Janet be a safer choice?"
"Fraiser?" I try to sound as though the idea has never even crossed my mind.
"She's female, she's not in your line of command. No? How about Teal'c?" Daniel glances down as he frees my cock. He licks his lips before he looks back up. Looks to me like he's getting hungry. "You'd be surprised some of the things he's told me about the hijinks Jaffa get up to when they're not busy helping enslave the galaxy."
"Daniel, all this…conversation is doing nothing for my erection," I complain.
Daniel gives me an old-fashioned look. It's cute on him. "Not the impression I've been getting from this perspective. Especially maybe the part about Janet?"
I flutter my lashes. "Jealous?"
Daniel breaths warm air against my cock, making me twitch and inhale sharply. "So why me?"
I try to read his expression. "You know, you talk an awful lot."
"If you really don't want to tell me, just make something up. Why me?"
Compelled, I reach out and drag my thumb slowly along Daniel's full, pouty lower lip, pressing down slightly in the center. My hand's a little shaky when I pull it back.
"Oh." Daniel's blushing faintly as he smiles his pleasure into my eyes. "Okay."
End of discussion. Beginning of blow job.
Sweet.
(The title is a Simpson's reference, for those not familiar with the canon.)
The Itchy & Scratchy Show
I rap on Daniel's apartment door. Wait. Rap again.
The door finally opens and Daniel peers out. His hair's a little rumpled. He's probably been relaxing, sprawled on the couch with a book or three. "There is a doorbell, you know."
"Hello."
"Hello. Come in."
I walk in.
"What brings you by?"
I sniff. "I have an itch."
Daniel squints at me. "Which…you can't reach?"
"Oh, I can reach. I've been reaching. And yet, the itch persists."
Daniel's tongue peeks out of his mouth. Always a sweet sight, I gotta say. "And so you've brought it here, to me. And, ah, just to be clear…"
"I'm talking about my penis. Also, you scratch mine, et cetera." I rotate my hand in an outward spiral while enjoying the slack-jawed look on his face.
"You want me to scratch your penis."
I can't hold back a wince. "The itch, Daniel. The itch. No…gouging of the little colonel, s'il vous plait."
Daniel scrubs a hand energetically over the top of his scalp, ruffling his hair even more. "And yet…this is not the strangest conversation I have ever had with you."
Nice callback. I sidle over to Daniel and nudge him with a friendly elbow. "Hey, not even close; am I right?"
"When you're right…"
I move farther into the living room and plant myself on the couch, arms spread out across the back, legs set wide apart. "Nice place you've got here."
Daniel surveys me carefully, and the tongue reappears. "You picked it out."
I smirk. "No wonder I feel so at home."
"Oh! Oh, but there must be something…maybe something I could do to make you feel even more at home?" He's the picture of sweet, helpful innocence.
Brat. I lower a hand and press its heel against the bulge in my slacks. Just in case he hasn't noticed it yet. Although it is pretty big. "There is…if you really want to." I lift my foot and push Daniel's coffee table away.
Daniel comes closer. "Reciprocal?"
"Reciprocal. Assuming you have an itch. Assuming you're leading the same monk-like existence I am. And assuming that monks get itches, even if they presumably pray about 'em instead of doing anything about 'em."
Daniel leans on my knees as he sinks to his own. I approve of this in every possible way. "I actually wrote a paper once, on the sexual practices of monks in the fifty or so years before the Reformation."
"Sounds fascinating." So I'm a liar. What the hell, my pants were already on fire.
"Why me?" Daniel begins fiddling with the button at my waistband. "I mean, this can't be good for your career, right?"
I shake my head and catch my breath as the button pops open. "Wrong. You'll be surprised at how much better I perform my duties when I'm not…itchy."
"Bad for your career if you're caught, I mean. Obviously."
"Furthest thing from my mind at the moment. Believe it or not."
"This is dangerous, Jack."
"So don't use your teeth."
Daniel grins briefly as he lowers my zipper with precise, and much appreciated, care. "All right. So why me? Wouldn't someone like, oh, I don't know, Janet be a safer choice?"
"Fraiser?" I try to sound as though the idea has never even crossed my mind.
"She's female, she's not in your line of command. No? How about Teal'c?" Daniel glances down as he frees my cock. He licks his lips before he looks back up. Looks to me like he's getting hungry. "You'd be surprised some of the things he's told me about the hijinks Jaffa get up to when they're not busy helping enslave the galaxy."
"Daniel, all this…conversation is doing nothing for my erection," I complain.
Daniel gives me an old-fashioned look. It's cute on him. "Not the impression I've been getting from this perspective. Especially maybe the part about Janet?"
I flutter my lashes. "Jealous?"
Daniel breaths warm air against my cock, making me twitch and inhale sharply. "So why me?"
I try to read his expression. "You know, you talk an awful lot."
"If you really don't want to tell me, just make something up. Why me?"
Compelled, I reach out and drag my thumb slowly along Daniel's full, pouty lower lip, pressing down slightly in the center. My hand's a little shaky when I pull it back.
"Oh." Daniel's blushing faintly as he smiles his pleasure into my eyes. "Okay."
End of discussion. Beginning of blow job.
Sweet.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 7th, 2012 08:24 pm (UTC)Deeds xx
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 03:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 12:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 03:03 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 02:09 am (UTC)I love how at the end Jack shows instead of telling. :D
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 03:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 02:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 03:12 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 10:39 am (UTC)I probably shouldn't have laughed as much as I did... but I did! *g*
Your sleeplessness night was not in vain!
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 01:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 10:44 am (UTC)Love it.
I'll never be able to watch Itchy and Scratchy without thinking of the boys and reciprocal blow jobs.
I'm thinking this is a good thing!
\o/
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 01:47 pm (UTC)Thanks, baby.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 12:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 02:27 am (UTC)Thanks, delph! ♥
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 02:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 03:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 03:37 am (UTC)"So don't use your teeth."
Bwaha! Who knew leading such a monk-like existence could let to such an enlightening experience. ;D
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 03:52 am (UTC)#things that occur to one when one should be sleeping
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 8th, 2012 05:55 am (UTC)*lol* That says so much about the two of them!
And I really like it that Jack answers Daniel question "Why me?" not with words but with an action that Daniel can't misinterpret.
Very lovely and funny!
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 9th, 2012 08:20 pm (UTC)*giggles* I love that line!